Slayers Top TopCats 12-7

Apologies for the non-post last week, but the game isn't officially over yet. Shaggy (the umpire) missed a run that we scored and thought the game was over. He said we'd have to make it up at some point later in the season. For now, the game doesn't count against anyone's record. Stay tuned.

Last night's game, however, does count as a win for your fellow Slayers. SHS jumped all over TopCat for a fairly easy 12-7 win -- and that was AFTER TopCat had to borrow two interns to complete their roster. No worries, the Slayers had more than enough players to fill out the roster.

For the first time all season, SHS was the home team (thanks to Gimmie's righteous Paper Rock Scissors play) and the Slayers didn't disappoint. After allowing TopCat to score a run, the Slayers went to work with their bats. PJer and The Truth got on base only for DeShawn to score them both with an in-the-park home run. Then after few ground outs and a double by Coacherson, SHS was up 3-1 after one.

Trying out a new defensive scheme for the game, the hits and runs for TopCat were few and far between. Which was good, since the Slayers were looking to hit some more. Here are the game's highlights:

• Ogre caught a ball deep in Left, threw to PJer for the relay and then on to Bendy for a tag out at home.
• Number 2 hit a double that turned into a triple that turned into an in-the-park home run.
• Boy Intern played manager and inserted himself into the game, promptly makes a catch in the outfield from a ball that was hit so extremely high that Ogre had time to run over from Center Field to back him up.
• All of the girl Slayers' bats were smokin'. Grass. Lots of it.
• Fans included Fritz, Pits and Ash. Oh, and Number 2 Dad.
  

For the final out of the game, The Truth backed up a throw to 4 Beers and nailed a guy at home. And that pretty much sums up how the Slayers' latest win went. They were in control the whole game and never felt truly threatened by TopCat.

Next Game: SHS vs Barkley, Monday, July 7th @ 8:30

Slayer Softball Season Begins with Doubleheader

It's been over a year since the Slayers took the field for softball and I'll tell you what, folks, it was a highly-anticipated year. SHS warmed up for softball this year with a jaunt in the kickball world. After placing second in the league, all attention was turned towards softball.

Bad news: No Bill the umpire this year. It's too hot for the old man. We'll miss him.
More bad news: The Slayers had to start off the year with a doubleheader.

So what happened?

Game one: SHS vs. Saepio
I wish I could say that the Slayers gave a warm welcome to Saepio in their first year of ad league softball, but that wasn't about to happen. Coming up to bat first, PJer and The Truth got on base via a walk. Then DeShawn and Black Magic went to work by knocking one out of the park. That's right, home run. The Slayers ended the first half of the inning up 3-0. Saepio came up and managed to score two runs, making the score 3-2.

At this point, the Slayer defense locked down. Hard. DeShawn and WRAM hooked up for a double-play. 4Beers made many plays at first. And Bendy took the reins from McShit (he's hurt, or something) and emerged as the SHS pitcher for this summer. Boy Intern even made a nice one-handed scoop in the outfield. The cylinders were a-clickin'.

With 11 guys signed up to play, there was quite a bit of shuffling going on in the line up. Everyone got to play, or bat, and SHS won their first game of the season, 13-2. As a reward for the win, SHS had to play again, just 10 minutes later.

Game two: SHS vs VML
All of the bats that were poppin' for SHS in the first game suddenly came to a stop in their second game. Additionally, all of the hoppin' defense was starting to crumble a bit, too.

The Slayers fell behind early 3-0 due to VML's bats finding holes and superb baserunning, but SHS wasn't out of it yet. An in-the-park home run by White Chocolate kept the Slayers in it.

Ultimately, the fielding errors combined with poor hitting and VML taking advantage of things did SHS in. They lost the game 10-5.


So the Slayers are 1-1 on the season and VML is once again the go-to rival for the team. Your Slayer Softball Historian apologizes for the lack of detailed reporting -- two games are hard to keep up with.

Next Game: SHS vs Saepio (yes, again), Monday, June 23rd @ 7:30

SHS Slain by NK

No one really wants to remember much of this game, especially Coacherson. But the Slayers do have something to be proud of. After NK scored 9 runs in the top of the first inning, the Slayers played well and scored 9 of their own. The game stayed knotted up like that through the second inning, and that's when things started to fall apart.

SHS' bats stopped hitting, NK's defense (and offense) started to churn, Coacherson had three errors in the outfield, and the Slayers quickly found themselves with their first loss of the season, 21-10.

The VML game was rescheduled due to rain.

Walk-off Walk(s) Wins Game

Heading into the second game of the season with a win on your belt is always something to hang your hat on. You have a certain amount of swag, confidence, mainly because you just assured yourself of NOT going winless for the year. The Slayers came into the game after putting on an offensive show (18 runs, the most in week one) versus Two West. Unfortunately, the early victory and massive run output didn't turn into much for game two versus newcomer Boulevard Beer.

The Slayers won the toss and decided to be the home team, so that put them in the field first. Boulevard didn't waste any time showing their strategy off (hitting singles and turning into doubles) and took a quick 2-0 lead. When the Slayers went up to bat, PJer and The Truth had trouble getting on base. To make things worse, The Truth was battling a slight hammy pull suffered during warm-ups and could only hobble when running. McShit hit the second in-the-parker of the season and that's all SHS could muster. Boulevard was ahead 2-1.

Innings two and three provided more runs for Boulevard and more injuries for the Slayers. Coming up gimpy in their legs were HoRep, Hightower, Number 2 and WRAM. Bendy even complained of something wrong with him. By count, that was five Slayers injured and five healthy. It showed on the scoreboard, too, as Boulevard led 10-6 after three.

Then the Slayers started to figure out how to play against Boulevard's strategy and the defense kicked in. Boulevard couldn't score a single run and it was SHS' turn to bat. That's when Boulevard's pitcher changed, and along with it, the game. The poor guy couldn't find the strike zone, much less the hittable zone and the Slayers adopted the wait-and-see policy about swinging the bat. Piling up batters on the bases doesn't help in a league where if you walk a guy, you also walk the girl behind him. Six runs later, the Slayers had their first lead of the game, 12-10.

Boulevard re-took the lead at 13-12, but the pitcher still couldn't find the zone. The Slayers scored the winning run on a walk-off walk, and the game ended up being 14-13. It's not the way you want to win a game, but a wins a win.

Next up, NK, June 4 @ 6pm.

The Season Begins!

It had been a while. Their arms were tight and their eagerness was high. Having only one real practice under their belts, AND a second place finish in the tournament last year (thank you very much), the Slayers were primed and ready to rock another season of Ad League softball.

They started last week by waging war against Two West. PJer couldn't manage to get home team status for the Slayers , but no matter, they were looking forward to hitting the ball. Shifting the batting order this year, Coacherson hoped to start things off quickly -- and the top of the first went nearly according to plan. PJer and McShit both got hits and eventually scored. With Hightower and HoRep on base, Coacherson hit the first home run (in the park steez) of the year. Heading into the bottom of the first, the Slayers were on top 5-0.

Taking the field proved to be a rough spot for those who hate sheep. A few errors here and there (all due to anxious energy and maybe some beers), the Slayers allowed Two West to creep back into the game by scoring three runs of their own.

In the top of the second, the Slayers did more damage on the scoreboard. Newcomer Bendy, PJer, McShit and The Truth all scored, putting SHS up 9-3. The defense also clamped down a bit and only allowed Two West to score two runs of their own. Heading into the third inning, the score was 9-5, Slayers.

Batting in the third, the Slayers started to wear down. They scored three quick runs (Coacherson, Bendy and Number 2), but stranded several others. The score was 12-5 and Two West was starting to warm up.

McShit walked a few players and some errors were committed to load the bases. Then the inevitable happened -- someone on Two West crushed the ball over the fence for a grand slam. The Slayers were shaken up, but McShit buckled down. The next hit was a rocket down the third base line. But instead of the ball winding up in the outfield, HoRep merely stuck her glove out and snatched the ball from the air. The Slayers were pumped and quickly finished out the inning.

Looking to feed off of her own great play, HoRep couldn't translate it into offense as she grounded out. Coacherson dropped his shoulder and popped out. With two outs, and Smiley coming up to the plate, things weren't looking good. You see, Smiley had struck out the other two times she was up, but that smile never left her face. She headed up to the plate. Ball one. Ball two. Strike one. Ball three. ... ... ... Ball four! She walked and got on base. Smiley had no clue, but she started a two-out, six-run rally as the Slayers went up 18-10.

Two West came up and SHS was ready for them. They could only muster one run, bringing the score to 18-11. Bill declared that the next inning was the last and apparently, both teams didn't care at that point as each half of the inning was 1-2-3.

That didn't matter to the Slayers, though. Winning the first game of the season is the best way to start off. Unfortunately, there were no beers left after the game, so some of the team migrated down to Jilly's for some post-game festivities.

Next up, Boulevard.

All Good Things Come To An End

The season is over! Long live the Queen, the season is over!

That's right Slayer fans, the 2006 Ad League Softball Season is over. Done. Kaput. Gone. But as promised, the SHS team was there for opening night and, fittingly, was there on the season's final night.

As if fate was playing it's own game with SHS and Fasone Garrett Boehm, the championship game had been re-scheduled once due to inclement weather and was nearly re-scheduled because of the condition of the field upon arrival.

For whatever reason, the city must have thought the season was over and had tilled up the field leaving about 5-6 inches of loose dirt all over the infield. Both teams weren't about to leave, though, so they banded together and, using the bleachers, grated the infield for what was arguably the best infield conditions all season.

After making the field right, it was time to play. PJer won the toss and the Slayers elected to be home team. That put them in the field first and showing no signs of rust, the defense put the smack down on Fasone and had a 1-2-3 inning.

Coming up to bat, however, proved to be a bit tougher for the Slayers. PJer ripped a hit and turned a single into a double for the first hit of the game. After The Truth got out, King Bunz hit a double, but PJer could only move to third. Auggy then hit a single to load up the bases. But SHS couldn't capitalize and they left all three runners stranded and the game was tied 0-0 after one.

The second inning proved to be fateful to the Slayers. After showing Fasone that they were a force to be wreckoned with, McShit and SHS lost their edge and following a series of well-placed hits, walks and a few errors, Fasone was sitting pretty with a 9-0 advantage.

Not being the best team in the league from playing behind, SHS went to bat in the bottom of the second inning, already feeling the pressure. Coacherson popped out, Number Two grounded out, McShit doubled and WRAM grounded out... leaving SHS with a big nine run gap.

The defense seemed to tighten back up and McShit got back on track with pitching, but by then, it was already too late. PJer had the lone bright spot in hitting for the Slayers with an in the park home run and SHS tried to rally a few times, but it was just too daunting of a task to come back nine runs.

Fasone ended up winning the game 16-5, but if you take that 9-run inning away, a 7-5 defensive battle would've been much more fun.

But really, the Slayers weren't all that depressed about losing. They finished the regular season 4-4 and were seeded fifth in their league for the tournament. After taking down both the Chiefs (previously undefeated) and BR (the brats of the league), SHS felt really good about making it as far as they did.

And the fans weren't disappointed, either. Turning out in force, the Slayers were well-represented in the cheering department. Coacherson wasn't sure if it was because his team was in the championship game or if it was because of the massive cooler full of beer... in either case, it was welcome.

It was a season well-played and much fun was had. They began the season saying good-bye to an old teammate (Sloan) and they ended the season saying good-bye to current teammates (Jerom"eo" and King Bunz). The off-season will be a tough one as the Slayers look to reload and follow up this year's surprise ending with another strong showing.

While SHS took time to congratulate Fasone (really, there wasn't a better team to lose to, they rocked and were great sportsmen and women), it's good to remember that Sally Hogshead says the best softball teams have the worst creative... SHS wasn't the best this year, and that's a-okay.

Nickname Cheatsheet

Guys:
Coacherson - Seth
King Bunz - Heath
Where My Bitches At - Ben
McShit - Neil
PJer (pee-ger) - JP
"Hey" Craig - Craig
Jerom"eo" - Jerome
The Brazilian - Bruno
Long Toe - Andrew

Gals:
Auggy - Cindy
The Truth - Paula
WRAM (World Revolves Around Me) - Amy
Number 2 - Lindsay
Zieg Heil - Kelly
Intern '06 - Elizabeth
School Night - Lauren (pending approval)

Fans:
Cheerleader - Beth
Jage - JJ
Wegs - Matt

It Ain't Over Yet! (A Two Game Recap)

Until that fat lady comes out and sings, Slayer Softball is alive and well. After having a game suspended last week (due to lack of daylight), the Slayers took the field Tuesday evening to finish their game with the undefeated Chiefs -- the winner would go on to play at 6:30, the loser... go home with their season over.

Game One

When the game was suspended last week, the Slayers had the big Mo. Things were going well and after four innings, SHS was up 6-4. If you remember, the first meeting between these two teams was very defensive-oriented, with the Chiefs winning 5-3. After home runs from both teams and some stellar defensive play, Bill decided that it was too dark to continue -- the game would be finished another night.

Around rolls Tuesday, the day to finish the game. The situation: SHS is up 6-4, they started in the top of the 5th, both teams have one home run (meaning only one more per team is allowed). Hoping to pick up where they left off, the Slayers went to work and scored a quick two runs (thanks to King Bunz' in the park home run), pushing the lead to 8-4.

When the Chiefs got up to bat, they were done having fun and messing around. They rattled off four runs of their own to tie it up at 8. Fearing another collapse, the Slayers re-grouped and went to bat.

Coacherson turned a botched single into a double to get into scoring position. Number Two popped out and that brought McShit up to bat. He knocked a hit into the outfield and Coacherson scored at home. One run was all the Slayers could muster, and they had the lead 9-8.

Heading into the bottom of the 6th, the Chiefs looked poised to pounce. The first batter came up and knocked a single into center field. The cut off throw came in, but missed his mark and all of a sudden, dude was running from first to second. Coacherson grabbed the ball and slung it to Auggy -- who caught it, turned and tagged the guy out! Play of the mother f'in game!

After another out and some hits, the Chiefs had two runners on base and Bill calls out that the time has expired and that if the Chiefs don't score here, the game was over. The Chiefs batter comes up and takes a pitch for strike one. The second pitch she hits, but it goes foul... strike two. McShit tosses the ball and again she makes contact. The ball dribbles towards McShit, who picks it up and fires it to Coacherson at first. Game over! SHS beats the best team in the league 9-8!!!

With that win, the Slayers now sat at 6-4 on the season and found themselves in the Final Four and having to play again 10 minutes later.


Game Two

The Slayers were most high from their previous win and having to face BR again (BR rallied from four down to tie the game, and eventually went on to win in extra innings earlier in the season) only made the next game even sweeter.

Having the worse regular season record, the Slayers were the away team -- so they started the game at the plate. BR, on the other hand, didn't seem to show up at all. The pitcher was throwing so poorly that all 10 batting Slayers scored in the first inning. It's one thing to play softball and not swing at pitches to hopefully get a walk (this is cheap), but it's another thing to not be able to swing at anything (that's not the batter's fault). So before I knew it, SHS was up 12-0 after the top of the first inning (due to walks, some hits and another King Bunz in the park home run).

BR wasn't going to give up too easily, though. And they roared back to score six of their own in the bottom of the first. But here's where it gets interesting... BR seemed a bit put off that SHS was taking so many walks, so they weren't swinging at anything either (this is foreshadowing).

In the top of the second, Coacherson turned another single into a double and McShit knocked him in for the Slayers' only score that inning. SHS was now ahead 13-6. BR, still under the idea of not swinging, scored none.

The top of the third was more of the same for the Slayers and BR. SHS scored one and BR none, so after three SHS was ahead 14-6.

Inning number four was a good one for the Slayers -- even though King Bunz left the game hurt after hitting his third in the park home run (grand slam style). With four more runs tacked on, and BR doing nothing at the plate for the third inning in a row, the Slayers were now up 18-6.

Now things begin to get interesting. BR replaced their faulty pitcher midway through the first inning, for good reason. The new pitcher was in hurry mode and was pitching pretty quickly -- so quickly, sometimes, that Bill didn't even see the pitch thrown and/or would tell the guy to slow down. In addition, since BR was taking so many pitches, bad moods were starting to pile up.

In the top of the fifth, "Hey" Craig punished the ball and went yard, 19-6. Zieg Hile smashed a shot over the left fielder's head and wound up with a double. Coacherson hit one to the warning track for out number one. Number Two grounded for out number two. McShit comes up and it now becomes a pitchers duel. The BR pitcher gets way behind in the count 3-0 and as any smart batter would do, if you have 3 balls and no strikes, you take the next pitch. Well McShit didn't have that chance since the pitcher rolled the ball to home plate... rolled it. Words were exchanged and now the bases were loaded (when a guy walks, the next batter walks, too), with two outs.

PJer comes up and Bill makes the announcment that if SHS scores two more runs that means they'll be ahead by 15 and the mercy rule will be in effect, giving the Slayers the win. PJer knocked the pitch into the outfield and the Slayers scored two. Bill called the game, Slayers win 21-6!!!

The game ended in controversy, however. With the home team not being able to complete the inning, the mercy rule probably shouldn't have been put into effect. I'd like to think that Billma (the Ad League Softball version of Karma) came up since some of the BR players weren't being good sports.

Controversy or not, the Slayers are going to the Championship game. Now sporting a record of 7-4, SHS really seems to be gelling at the right time of the year. Please, come out and support the Slayers as they try to become the champs of the ad league!

Championship Game: Monday, August 28th at 6:30.

Fairweather Historian?

Is the Slayer season over? Did they win their last two games of the year? Did you die in a horrible car accident where you crashed into a truck transporting glass eyes to and from Albuquerque, NM?

The answers to those questions: no, no and no.

It's true, I've been slacking as of late in the history-telling department. For that I apologize. It might've been the heat, but really it was the lack of will to report on the most recent games. Why is that, you ask? Because it seems that the Slayers have developed a knack of melting down at the end of games...

Case in Point #1: In the most highly anticipated game of the year (for Coacherson), SHS took the field against VML. Luckily for the Slayers, VML had just finished playing a game, therefore they were tired. SHS came out hot, but slowly let VML back in the game as they went ahead 10-8 going into the bottom of the last inning. SHS mustered up 3 straight outs to lose the game. A hard fought victory for VML.

Case in Point #2: As if fate was tempting SHS to win a close game, they were pitted against BR in a rescheduled game from earlier in the season. Once again, the Slayers were playing a team that had just played a game, so they should've been ripe for the plucking. Going into the bottom of the last inning, SHS was up by 4 runs... and then the meltdown occurred. BR came back to tie the game, sending it into extra innings. The Slayers scored one run in the top half, but they couldn't stop BR from getting 2 more in the bottom. The result, BR won 11-10.

So the Slayers ended the regular season 4-4. Not a horrible record, but they could've easily been 7-1 if they could have closed out some games. Taking a .500 record into the postseason isn't a bad thing, though... if you think about it, MLB teams would be ecstatic to be .500. The Slayers want more, though, and they would get their chance in their tournament against Barkley Evergreen Team 1 (a team they beat 9-6 during the regular season).

(Historian's Note: Some details are a bit hazy due to post-game activities)

With the most fans to ever attend a Slayer softball game, SHS took the field first (since they had the better record, they were automatically the home team)... and from the get go, they weren't messing around -- Coacherson had them fired up. After some stellar defense the Slayers were trotting back to the dugout with the score 0-0.

The defense was hot, and their bats were even hotter. PJer had a massive hit barely make it to third base, but he beat the throw -- one duck on the pond. Then The Truth got on base (was it a walk?) leaving two ducks on the pond for King Bunz (second place in this year's home run derby). Bunz made contact and due to some fine coaching from "Hey" Craig and Jerom"eo," the Slayers were up 2-0. With the King on base, Where My Bitches At stepped up to the plate and cracked one over the right fielders head. The coaches sent him and soon enough he had himself an in the park home run. SHS was on top 4-0.

Coming off of a win on Tuesday night, BEAP1 wasn't ready to lay down and go out quietly. With two outs and the bases loaded, they scrapped and scored two runs... and then "the tackle" happened. Already back to the top of the lineup, the second baseman for BEAP comes up to the plate. She hits a blooper that lands nearly on the line between first and home plate. As she's running to first, McShit charged for the ball to throw her out. She began to stumble (or so McShit says) and as he's reaching for the ball, McShit tackled her they collide. Nothing happened for about five seconds until McShit grabbed the ball -- which was still in fair play -- and tagged her. Bill called her out and the Slayers escaped a dangerous inning, still up 4-2.

After a marvelous play, it was McShit's turn to bat... and he strikes out. Yes, strikes out. That didn't bode well for the Slayers, it was a three-up, three-down inning. Then BEAP1 came alive and scored four runs to take the lead, 6-4.

Back at the top of the lineup, the Slayers pounced. After four of the first five batters scored, Coacherson knocked a single to that sent Where My Bitches Out home. Stuck on first, Number 2 came up and hit a ball right to the shortstop. Knowing the force was coming, Coacherson got a good step on the ball and rattled the shortstop -- he threw it, but it was already too late, Coacherson somehow ended up on the ground, safe. "He's not happy unless he gets dirty... and boy is he dirty," exclaimed The Truth.

With two outs and both Coacherson and Number 2 on base, McShit got his revenge. "Didn't this guy strike out last time," asked the second basemen that McShit tackled ran into. He didn't strike out this time, he hit an inside the park home run. That stellar inning left SHS up 11-6.

Then a mini-meltdown started to happen. McShit walked two guys allowing some runs to score. But the Slayers were strong and held their ground, only letting BEAP1 to score three runs. 11-9.

Again at the top of the lineup, the first seven batters scored. McShit hit another in the park home run and the Slayers were in control 20-9. Since that was the bottom of the fourth inning, the mercy rule wasn't in effect (the game is called if a team is up 15 after three innings, or 10 after five).

Looking to cruise through the rest of the game, the Slayers may have taken their edge off a little bit... and that's when they dropped their guard completely. A missed catch here, an overthrow there, miscommunication galore... errors were being tossed around like shots from the Jager Fairy. The ship was sinking and it looked like the bats were going to have to come back out to secure a win. Then Bill said that the time limit had expired, so if the Slayers were up at the end of the inning, they won. The score was now 20-17, there were two outs and BEAP1 had two runners on base. A guy came up to the plate and crushed the ball into left center field. "Hey" Craig started to float left, but quickly had to turn on some jets to get to the right spot... he slowed down, reached out, and snagged the ball for the final out of the game.

SLAYERS WIN!!! SLAYERS WIN!!!

It was an extremely hard fought match, but the Slayers prevailed against the odds they dealt themselves. The SHS ring-leader, Jage, took the team out to celebrate afterwards, knowing that the worst the Slayers could end up as is a .500 team.

Next Up: The Chiefs, 7:00 Tuesday night. Think SHS has a chance? You bet they do... the Slayers held them to their lowest offensive output all season in an extremely close game.

Five Things You Shouldn't Ask About The Last Game

The Slayers FINALLY returned to action last week after a three+ week layoff. Though they took part in some batting practice before the game, the rust seemed readily apparent once the game started.

Five Things You Shouldn't Ask About The Last Game:

5. Was it hot out there?
My goodness gracious was it hot. Most people enjoy a nice cold beer on hot days, but this was just sick. I think I even saw Bill starting to melt -- which could explain some lousy calls.

4. Did the Slayers start the game off well?
Not really. Glenn Devins started the game with 8 players in the field, but the Slayers couldn't capitalize. Soon enough, it was 10 on 10, so the advantage (or what little one there was) was gone.

3. Assuming they found themselves behind during the game, did anyone step up and make some big plays?
Actually yes. First off, the Slayers played from behind the entire game. And when they were down several runs, Where My Bitches At stepped up and ripped an in the park home run. The Slayers ended that inning down just two runs, 9-7.

2. What happened then?
After the first batter, the Slayers had one out and looked poised to return back to the dugout quickly for the bottom half of the last inning.

1. So, did they win?
Hardly. Glenn Devins took advantage of McShit and the entire Slayer defense en route to scoring six runs in the top of the 7th. By the time the Slayers got up to bat, they were all completely perplexed and couldn't even muster one base runner in the inning. Game over. The Slayers lost 15-7.

I'd never seen such a thing. Every last Slayer left the dugout with their heads low and their tails thoroughly tucked. It was a site to see and one this historian never hopes to see again.

The classiest of teams, Glenn Devins, took home the victory that hot night, and the Slayers hope they can match wits again.

Next Game: The Slayers look to get back on the winning track this Wednesday at 7pm, vs. Meers Advertising (who are 1-5), but they'll have to do so without McShit and Auggy... will they prevail?

Softball Lords, Have Mercy

Overheard directly after the game vs. AdKnowledge on Wednesday night...

Where My Bitches At: Uh, what just happened?

Coacherson: The game is over.

McShit: What the F do you mean, over... I was about to not walk any more batters!

Where My Bitches At: Yeah, and I was about to hobble around the bases again with another in the park home run. Booyah!

Cindy "Auggy" Augustine: No kidding, I wanted to get another hit.

Elizabeth "Intern '06" Holbrook: It can't be over, I've only slid, err, dove, into first base!!!

Coacherson: Look everyone, I wish it weren't over, either... but Bill called the game.

King Bunz: That guy is too old, he probably doesn't even remember my bad ass catch in the outfield. You know, the one I turned into a double play?

Coacherson: What does that have to do with anything?

King Bunz: Oh, nothing. But that was bad ass, wasn't it!?!

McShit: Anyway, seriously, why was the game called?

PJer: I bet it was because that one hit I had bounced over the fence. Bill probably thought that means we won.

Auggy: Ooooo, I bet you're right.

Coacherson: Uh-what? No.

Beth "Cheerleader" Oppliger: IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS HERE, AGAIN!!!

McShit: Do you really still yell all the time?

King Bunz: Yes, she does, I can hear her all the way over at UMB.

Paula "The Truth" Cousins (new nickname): It wasn't any of those reasons, duh. It's because Rex played for us tonight.

Everyone: What!?!

The Truth: Wait, my bad, he's never played for us.

Coacherson: Okay, I'll give everyone a hint. We scored a lot...

Where My Bitches At: Now we're talking! (high fives King Bunz)

Lindsay "Number 2" Bruno: I don't think he meant it that way. He either meant we scored because my dad was here or because I got three hits.

Jerom"eo": Oh bullshit. It was because I like NASCAR.

Amy "WRAM" (world revolves around me, hey, she said it) McIntosh: Fiddlesticks. It's all fiddlesticks.

Coacherson: What do you mean?

WRAM: I read on the internet that the game was called because we didn't win.

Cheerleader: We didn't?

Everyone: Awww, damn!

Coacherson: Wait up guys, that's not right. Amy, the game JUST ended, it's not on the internet, yet.

WRAM: Oh.

Wegs: The game was called because I quit SHS. Hey intern, get me a beer.

Intern '06: Yes sir!

Coacherson: While that's the best theory yet, it's not the reason.

King Bunz: Nuts, we'll never solve this mystery.

Auggy: Coacherson, you seem to know soooo-ooooo-oooo much, why don't YOU tell us why the game is over.

Coacherson: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the Slayers came to play. If you remember, we had 15 runs in the first inning. 15!!! Now, our defense wasn't so good in the bottom half of the inning... we let them score 7 runs. After that, our bats cooled off and the other team finally figured out how to play the field a little better, but they still didn't know how to hit.

The game was officially called after three innings of play, because of a mercy rule. This year, if you're ahead by 15 runs after three innings, you automatically win the game. After three innings, we were ahead 20-7. NOTE: There's an odd discrepancy with last night's game. The official rules say this, "Starting in 2006 the game will be called if one team is winning by 15 runs or more runs after 3 innings. And 10 runs or more after 5 innings." We didn't play 5 innings...

Plain and simple, we kicked their ass.

So no, King Bunz, it wasn't your sweet catch. Where My Bitches At, it wasn't either of our in the park home runs. Number 2, it wasn't your three hits. Intern '06, it wasn't your slide/dive into first.

It wasn't one single thing... it was all of them. I'm so proud of you team. The way we fought through that horrible defensive effort in the first inning and turned it around, not allowing them to score again. That was priceless.

Okay, no game next week... but let's get in here and have a group hug.

.... end conversation

But by then, the rest of the team had left the fields, leaving all of the empty beer cans for Coacherson to pick up.

It was a good game, barring the bottom half of the first inning, that is. And sure enough, the Slayers' bats woke up and pounded out the most runs scored in a KC Ad League game this season. Let's hope that continues into the next game.

Next Game: Wednesday, June 28, 6:00 vs. Bernstein-Rein

Only in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

The Top Ten Reasons Why The Slayers Are Now 2-1:

10. New Bad Luck Charm?
Beth showed up to her first game of the season to "cheer" the team on.

9. No Good Karma?
Bill didn't call one single bad play against the other team.

8. Not Enough Beer?
"Hey" Craig nearly brought two 30-packs, but chickened out at the last second.

7. We Doubled Their Double Play Output?
Our Double Plays: 2. Theirs: 1.

6. "Where My Bitches At" Wasn't Fast Enough?
Sure Ben can hit the ball, far, but he only made it to third for a triple.

5. Lindsay Wasn't There?
Since when did getting your cable turned on become more important than a Slayer Softball game?

4. "The Brazilian" Wasn't There?
Bruno is a true socialite. Sometimes too social for the team's own good.

3. The Reign of "King Bunz?"
Heath, a.k.a. The Basket-Catching Machine, only had two wild catches this game.

2. "McShit" Wasn't 100%?
You can't hit the pitcher during batting practice and expect him to play his best game!

... And the number one reason that the Slayers are now 2-1:
1. We Weren't Playing Horseshoes OR Hand Grenades

Yes, yes, yes. The Slayers are now 2-1, but barely so. They lost to the Chiefs last night in a very hard-fought game. The final was 5-3 and was really a defensive battle on both sides.

The Chiefs (a perennial power-house) weren't more talented than the Slayers. But they played a lot smarter and hit where the Slayers weren't. The Slayers, on the other hand, while playing great defense, couldn't find enough holes in the Chiefs D.

That didn't mean the Chiefs had an easy opponent. Far from it. There was a little urgency coming from them in the final inning. That urgency was quickly squashed as the Slayers failed to get their rally caps in good position.

If that's the best the league has to offer, then it's safe to say that the Slayers have quickly found themselves in good company in the upper echelon of the league.

Next week's game: Wednesday, June 14, vs. AdKnowledge

Second Game Down, Six To Go

The situation: Barkley Evergreen & Partners (BEAP) dude comes up to bat, acting a bit goofy. First pitch... WHIFF! Cindy mutters, "oh, this should be interesting." Coacherson counters with, "I think he's faking." Second pitch... BAAAAAAM! A nice shot over a running "Hey" Craig's out-stretched glove in left field.

The result: A few runs, if any, scored by the other team.

The morale: Don't underestimate anyone.

The silver lining: He wasn't faking, he was just pretty lit... lucky hit.

Tuesday night was the setting of the Slayers second game of the season. After a week off, and a little rust to shake, it didn't look good after not winning the coin flip to start the game. The Slayers had to bat first. The Slayers haven't had to bat first all season long (granted, it IS only the second game, but that's whatever).

The Slayers responded and showed some great adversity. After a three-run inning and a three up - three down inning at the bottom half, the Slayers were ahead 3-0.

The second inning wasn't as productive as the first -- maybe about 33% productive (they only scored one). The nice thing is that BEAP only scored one as well, making the score 4-1.

From here, the game gets pretty boring, or maybe I just fell asleep during some things. Hey, I'm the historian, who likes tons and tons of details!?!

The bats weren't rattling a whole lot tonight, but the defense was in mid-season form. The most BEAP ever scored in one inning was four (I think), and the Slayers were in control the entire game. It helps when the other team isn't a great hitting team... it also helps that when they do hit it, over 75% of the time it was hit at a Slayer fielder who wasn't about to mess things up.

Following Shortstop JP "PJer" (read: peeger) Wright's lead, the Slayer defense was amazing. On one hit, the ball was quickly rolling to the outfield over second base. PJer, out of nowhere, scoops the ball up with bare hand, sets himself and guns the runner out at first. Miraculous.

"THAT one was for all the ladies in the audience," said a confident PJer after the game. "Since Ben isn't here, I'll say that I know where his bitches are at. Not with him. BURN!"

Game two is in the books, and once again, the Slayers are sitting on the better half of the win-loss column. They took out BEAP 9-6 and are now 2-0 on the season.

Next Up, Monday, June 5 @ 6:00: The perinnial powerhouse, and unbeaten (2-0) Chiefs. Someone's going home with their first loss.

For more photos check out the KC Ad League Flikr page. For standings and schedule, check out KCAdLeague.com.

The Season Opener, aka, "Did We Win, Or Did We Lose?"

So there we are, sitting on the hill post game, enjoying some beers and a laugh, relaxing... when, for the third time after we cleared the dugout, the question, "did we win, or did we lose," was asked. Everyone chuckled. Well, everyone who knew the answer, that is. We'll get to that in a second.

First, our roster. Returning from last year's team: "Hey" Craig Kobler, Paula "Tug's Friend" Cousins, Bruno "The Brazilian" Pieroni, Neil "McShit" Getzlow, Heath "Bunz" Kennedy, Jerome"eo" Krehbiel, Seth "Coacherson" Gunderson and Ben "Where My Bitches At" Coldwell. Newcomers to the team (no nicknames, yet): Amy McIntosh, Cindy Augustine, Hilary Bailey, JP Wright, Kelly Ziegler, Lauren Doyle, Lindsay Bruno, and sometimes Will Griggs. Making her farewell performance last night, Ashley "Slayer Fo' Life" Sloan.

The game started a bit late, as Bill and Rex were still prepping the field for the '06 season. The infield looked immaculate, though a bit on the dry side. The outfield, well, let's just say it was there. Luckily for us (and the infield), it began to rain. But a little precipitation wasn't about to postpone our game.

We (The Slayers) won the coin flip, and Coacherson strategically chose to be the home team. That means we took the field first, while our opponents, Fleishman Hillard, went up to bat. And we took the field by storm. After a minor scare in the first, we escaped with no runs scored on us.

Then our bats went to work -- single, single, double, something, something, something, and before you knew it we had nearly batted around and were up 5-0. But that doesn't mean we didn't have our mishaps. In a coaching/base running debacle, The Brazilian got caught up in a rundown. Poor Bruno was very off-balance and it didn't take long to realize that he was about to eat some serious crap. Sure enough, after being tagged out, the momentum drove Bruno right into the ground. Aside from that, it was a great start. Maybe too great.

The next inning, from what I remember, was another good one. FH may have gotten one or two runs, but not much else. Back on our side of the inning, the bats weren't clicking as well as in the first, but Bunz (remember, that's Heath) decided to relive some moments from last season as he went yard, in the park style. The score was now 7-1.

Apparently, it was FH's turn to have hot bats as they proceeded to rattle off 5 runs of their own. This wasn't a defensive mess-up, but a combination of them hitting to the spots that we weren't in and McShit walking a few people. "Hey, it happens," said Neil after the game, "if you want retribution, here's a coupon for a Big Mac and get off my back." No one likes Big Macs, Neil, no one.

SHS 7, FH 6. It was a close game. We score one. 8-6. They score one, 8-7. That's when the subs came in and took care of some biz and we left that inning up 11-7.

Time was running out for FH and they thought making a game out of it was in the cards. Someone blasted a home run over the fence and suddenly the Slayers were starting to rock back. Two more runs and the score was 11-10. Two outs, one away from victory for the Slayers, runners on first and third for FH. The pitch... the hit... a weak bouncer to Neil who turned and fired it to Ben for the final out. Slayers Win! Slayers Win!

Stars of the game? Was it JP with three singles and three runs scored? Bunz with his in the park home run? How about the only person who slid into a base, Sloan? Maybe it was Neil... ha! There was no one star of the game; this was a true team effort and the beginning to a great season.

For more photos check out the KC Ad League Flikr page. For standings and schedule, check out KCAdLeague.com.

Opening Ceremonies

In what "is" (read: "probably isn't") considered a nod to the team's domination of 2005, the Slayers have been asked (and accepted) to play in the opening game of the 2006 season.

"Oh boy, the players are stoked! They keep asking me when the next practice is," says Coacherson. "We're just excited the league picked us to provide the fireworks for the season opening."

The game will be played on Monday, May 15th at 6:00. The visiting team will be Fleishman Hillard, who finished last season with a 6-6 record.

"Fleishman Hillard!?! More like, Fleishman Billard, right guys? Like they play pool? ...," said Heath Kennedy at a recent practice. No one understood what he meant.

So Slayer Softball fans, the season starts in 1.5 weeks. Come out and show some support!

Tournament Time: One and Done

Sadly enough, the inagrual Slayer Softball season is over. No fanfare. No fireworks. Not even a thoroughly fair game was played.

TUG SAID: "Cheaters never win and winners never cheat." Hope they enjoy their no winning nothing, bottom-feeder softball league win. Cheaters.

Meeting VML (Team 2) for the third time in three weeks didn't bode so well this time around. After beating them 32-6 in game one, and muscling out a one-run win in game two (when VML had players from other teams playing), team SHS couldn't find an empty hole in the field, or get their bats rattling enough to overcome a team that is apparently "peaking at the right time."

TUG SAID: If by "peaking" they mean ... Oh, wait, just read the following paragraph.

And by "peaking," they mean "bringing quite a few of their Team 1 players to the game." Seriously. Of the 12 players that took the field against us, five of them had played against us the other two times. Five. That's not peaking, that's stacking. When Coacherson asked several of his old co-workers how many times their team had played us this season, none of them could answer.

TUG SAID: Sons-of-bitches.

Even though VML felt the urge to stack the team (with players from their 9-1 team), that didn't mean that SHS was going to roll over and give up. In fact, quite the opposite. Playing in one of their best defensive games of the season, the game was always within reach for either team to win. A few see-saw plays here and there and the outcome could've been different.

In the end, SHS didn't score the last three innnings of the game and wound up a four-run loser to VML, 10-6.

TUG SAID: It was a tough game we played. I submit that our fielding was the best we've exhibited all season. We simply didn't have the bats.

This time it wasn't Wegerer's fault, he showed up shortly after the game.

TUG SAID: I still blame him.

Third time's the charmiest!

Beating a team is sometimes a hard thing to do. Beating that same team twice in one week is a harder thing to do. But to beat the same team three times in one week, and, ultimately, twice in one day... now that's something to be excited about.

After molesting VML 32-6 on Monday night, the same two teams (said with a grain of salt, because VML's team was a bit different and much more competitive) met up for their third "match" of the week.* But the SHS team wasn't quite the same, either. Both Neil (business travel) and Heath (strained hammy) sat out of the game, leaving it up to Tug and the rest of his motley crue to inflict as much pain on VML as possible.

"I'll be honest with you, I hate pitching," said an enraged McTighe in the third inning, just after Bill (the lone, century-old, umpire) called Tug a bitch. "I about had "The Gentile One" (Ben Coldwell) punch him out. Bill's lucky we won."

The game was a much closer one than Monday night. Both teams either tied the game or took the lead each time they batted. Several of the SHSers thought it was going to be a cake-walk... "I need to go tanning," exclaimed Kim "Nevada" Cook, after picking up her fourth RBI of the season.

But in the end, nothing could stop SHS. The fact that VML brought in one of their A-team (record is 9-1) ringers and two Osborn-Barr ringers, didn't help. Not even the fact that Ashley "4:50" Sloan somehow had a contact incident. Even the secret weapon of Rex, couldn't unrail SHS.

Chalk up two more in-the-park homers the team (Mandy and Coacherson), a game-winning RBI for Mandy and a solid performance for McTighe... and that equals up to a bottom-of-the-fifth-inning, 12-11 win for SHS.

With that win, SHS finishes the regular season 7-3 and tied for first place of the Tuesday/Thursday division. For tournament-seeding, a coin toss gave us second place and we play the winner of VML/BEAP next Thursday at 7:00.

Up soon, the All-Star game and home run derby!

* Matches one and three were on the softball field. Match two was in the RFP world for UMB.com, also won by SHS. :)

Somebody Call All Our Mommas...

...'cause someone just got whipped! Drubbed. Spanked. Slammed. Destroyed, more like it.

Yes, the bats were alive for SHS tonight, and a fourth rain-out couldn't save VML (team two) from the onslaught that was Monday night. "It hurt... bad," said Bunz Kennedy, about mega-f'ing his leg up while running home on his THIRD IN THE PARK HOME RUN.

Kennedy wasn't SHS' only offense tonight, though. Everyone took part... everyone. Let's run through some highlights:

• Bunz Kennedy - Three in the park home runs


• Gentle Ben - Two in the park home runs


• Kim "Nevada" Cook - 2 for 4 with 3 RBIs


• Coacherson - Hit for the cycle, SHS' second out of parker


• Mandy "What???" Shannon - Two triples and a double


• McTighe - Two great innings of relief pitching (in preparation for Thursday), one great box joke


• Can't... remember... it... all...

The deal is, we won. Big. 32-6, big. Ouch. Don't believe us? Check out the Seedboard up above. Seedboards don't lie.

Rematch Thursday, get ready.

Wegs 3, SHS 0

In a game that we really don't want to elaborate too much on, a week after we beat the only undefeated team in our league, they got the upper hand on us in the last inning of play.

Long story short, Matt Wegerer showed up half-way through the game. And guess what, we lost. Shocker.

Thanks Matt. Please don't come to a game, again.

Adversity Rears Its Ugly Head, Only To Be Bitten Off

When they took the field on a sweltering July day in July, the Kansas City softball Slayers found themselves looking down the barrel of a loaded shotgun. Missing two players due to lack of female participation, these Slayballers would have to face the wolves of NK, ravenous and drooling from an early season loss to SHS and looking for payback.

Forced to play a ramshackle version of CYA softball due to the short side, pitcher Neil Getzlow was also forced to cover second, while Tug and Ali Westerholter took the SS and third side of the infield. Brooke Goetz, in her inagural appearance with the squadron, was inserted at first, even after admitting, "I don't think I've caught a ball in 10 years." The black clouds were gathering for SHS. They were gathering quickly.

But on this day, no loss would come. For mere moments into the game, the team turned its first double play of the season when Neil grabbed a short grounder back to the mound, flipped it over to Tug who rifled it to Brooke. Two up, two down. Quite an auspicious beginning for the makeshift Slayers.

Then, NK simply folded under the pressure.

The SHS bats were hot. Everyone hit the pants off of it. Brooke, Ali, Neil, Seth, Tug, Kelly, Craig, Jerome, [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] -- everyone contributed. Special kudos go out to our first two Homers of the season: Ben knocked one off the fence and out of the park, while Paula belted a long fly to left center that allowed her to -- huffingly -- touch all the bags. To add to NK's plight: both dingers came in the same inning.

The long a short of it is this: SHS 13, NK 6.

Neil Getzlow, coming off his worst pitching outing of the season, having walked four, had this to say. "Did I suck? Yes. Did we? No. Now get your cameras out of my face!"

(When told that there were no cameras, and indeed, no reporters asking him questions, Neil just wandered off into the woods.)

SLAYER BITS:
- Fill in players were especially handy -- Kelly and Brooke made the win possible
- Slayers have won 3 straight, 4 if you include the forfeit win, which we do
– SOM™ - Ben Coldwell, for his batting, his dandy play at first, and his height
– Charley Hustle Award™ - Heath Kennedy, for his slide into 2nd and subsequent headfirst dive into third.