Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Dead before we even got there.

The bats were cold, the gloves were stiff and the bloodstains were real. What could have been a Cinderella season turned quickly into one that even the hideous stepsisters would spurn. Game Two? Loss one. And what a loss it was, the final
score -- incredibly -- actually far worse than it looks. 22-7 to Bernstein-Rein.

Every player on the team save eventual Slayer of the Match™ Hilary Salstrom. (Last weeks' SOM™ was pitcher Neil Getzlow) committed at least one fielding error, and many on the squad committed two or more. Heath dropped a couple, Seth tossed one over, through and beyond the fence. And Tug, well let's just say that while his surgically-enhanced knees can run fly balls down, his all too natural hands simply suck ass.

All in all, it was a sad day for the Slayers, as this anemic performance was turned in before their all-time largest crowd. Announced attencance was 17.

Next attempt at a win comes this Thursday, June 2 at 7 p.m. when the Slayers line up against VML 2. (Here's hoping the 2 in their name stands for 2nd rate or 2nd best or simply, not as good as their other team.)

We need all the hope we can get.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Getzlow's Mighty Will and Rag Arm Lead Team to First Victory!

It started out with a bang.


Palladium's own Heath Kennedy led off the 2005 SHS Softball Season with a scorching inside the park home run. Technically, this would have probably been scored a triple with about 857 grabbing, holding and throwing errors, but Heath made it a four-bagger all the same. So, unbelievably, SHS led 1-0 after the very first pitch in their very first game. A shocked and, quite frankly, very, very, very, very, very, very winded Kennedy could barely contain his excitement, "Did you see that?" he gasped. "That one was for Harrisonville!" He then collapsed, face down in a puddle of his own slobber.

Things continued to go the Slayers' way the rest of the inning and they notched another run before the wily veterans of NK, most of whom probably aren't old enough to legally drink, ended the inning by actually catching a ball. The score stood at
2-0 as the Slayers donned their gloves for the first time. Getzlow, looking to protect his shutout, wouldn't have to worry about it for too long. After just three batters, they NKs had tied the game, and before you can say, "Uh-oh," they had taken the lead.

Fortunately, the Slayers' bats came to life in the middle innings as the team rallied from a 4-2 defecit to take a 10-5 lead. Hit after hit was sprayed all over the field, with every Slayer taking his or her cue from their surging teammates. Team Manager Seth Gunderson said that most of the credit for the rally belonged to Tug McTighe, who took advantage of both of his at-bats, notching a single and a double and scoring twice. He also led a defensive effort that put the vice grips on NK's formidible offensive power, dousing their flames with like a wet blanket.

"Boy was I stupid to not start Tug," Gunderson would admit during his post-game press conference. "I mean that guy's clearly our rock. Rock solid. Solid. Like a rock. Rock."

So, with a healthy five run lead and a girl leading off the final inning for NK, Neil Getzlow did what any good pitcher would, walk the lead-off hittter on four straight pitches.

"No question, that's a stupid thing to do. But the Ump was squeezing the strike zone. Those same ptiches were strikes earlier in the game. What can you do?" said Getzlow.

Fortunately, as quickly as Getzlow tried to hand the game to the other team, he was able to compose himself, settle down, and snatch it right back. Clinging to a two run lead, the Slayers were looking at the bases loaded and two outs. NK's top hitter was at the plate and SHE lined a bullet right back up the middle that Getzlow somehow managed to snare in his glove. He then raced home and dove for the plate with his glove, barely beating the fleet-footed runner charging down the third base line. And that was the game, Slayers win 10-8. Hugs all around.

All in all, it was a rousing win for the Slayers who, after just one game, are already batting 1000.

Who's next on the Slay List?
Bernstein-Rein vs. SHS - Thursdsay, May 26 7 pm - Penn Valley Park