How to Lose a Softball Game in 4.5 Innings

What's up Slayer fans? I'll tell you what isn't up, our win column. Last night wasn't as much of a heartbreaking game as it was a what-the-hell-just-happened game. The last time SHS took the field against Barkley, really good things happened. This time, however, well... really not-so-good things happened.

To sum up last night, here's How to Lose a Softball Game in 4.5 Innings:

1. Lose the coin toss -- The Slayers have played 7 games this season and once, just once, have they been the home team. We need to get better at Paper Rock Scissors* for next year. The result last night, away team.
2. Score one-run in-the-park homers -- PJer (in the first inning) and Coacherson (in the second inning) both had great hits and scooted around the bases with home runs -- the problem is there was nobody else on base when it happened.
3. Hit pop ups -- This goes against most all conventional wisdom, but if you're trying to lose a game, pop ups will kill you. To make it even worse, hit said pop ups to players that look/act surprised when they catch it. If you need advice on how to do this, ask DeShawn, he'll teach ya.
4. Fielding errors are your friend -- Bobbles, missed relays, pop-fly pop outs, etc. can get you far when you do them correctly.
5. Miscommunicate the situation -- Confuse your infield by telling them one play when you meant another. This is a no-brainer.
   
6. Be overconfident -- This will be the icing on the cake for your team. After shell-shocking a team 24-2 the previous time, and THEN after watching the same team lose 22-4 BEFORE your game, just be cocky. It helps loads.
   

It was painful to watch the Slayers last night, but the game wasn't out of hand until the fourth inning. Until that point, it was a great defensive battle. The bad part was that SHS' bats weren't finding the holes it usually does.

Losing the game was not how Linds intended to end her career, "Hi! We sucked tonight. I'm moving to New York. Hi! Look a chicken." She then walked to her father's Lexus and drove away from the fields for the last time.

That wraps up the regular season with the Slayers sitting on a 3-4-1 record -- which shouldn't be too bad, seeing that they split the regular season games with Barkley and Saepio (pending .5 innings), the run difference should have SHS in second place. That is, of course, if the league is interested in keeping scores and standings. Stay tuned.

Next Game: Should be the All-Star game, date and time TBD.

* By the by, PRS is an extremely dumb way to determine home field advantage. If you're making a schedule for the season, it would be very easy to say who is the home team.

Grudge Match

Another week down, another Slayer Softball game played. This week it was a grudge match, VML. It's been almost two years since SHS has handed VML a loss and many of the players were looking to turn that trend around.

"I've heard a lot about this rivalry, how exciting," exclaimed Boy Intern. "Good luck without me, I'm a wuss."

So without Boy Intern, the Slayers set their lineup and took the field against the 5-0 VML. Once again, SHS proved their un-worthiness in Paper/Rock/Scissors and fell victim to the gods. VML won home field advantage, Slayers were visitors -- which meant our bats were first.

The first inning started out with a bang as PJer hit a shot into right center that the VML fielder botched -- allowing PJer to scoot over to third base. The Truth slammed a single. DeShawn hit a double. And Coacherson hit a double to set the score at 3-0 after one half inning. VML took to their bats and after a nice defensive effort (minus a lousy triple and a solo shot), SHS led 3-2 after one.

The second inning provided little fanfare for either team as the score remained 3-2 going into the third inning. Unfortunately, SHS' bats wouldn't wake up in the third inning, either. But again, after a nice defensive effort, the score was 4-3 going into the fourth with VML on top.

In the fourth, Ogre showed what he could do with his bat by crushing the ball all the way to the fence for a triple. Fortunately, Bendy scored him on a single and the Slayers had the game tied, 4-4, going into the bottom of the fourth.

With two outs in the inning, Fire decided that she needed to give SHS a spark. For the third out, Fire took a throw at first base and then tackled the baserunner -- or was it that the VML baserunner tackled her? Either way, there was nearly a scuffle as DeShawn was in the mix making sure that it "wasn't cool" for a big dude to tackle a girl.

"Let's see if they like Black Magic tackling them," yelled an angry DeShawn.

WRAM asked, "What the hell does that mean?"

No one on the team could answer her as only DeShawn understood what that meant, but we all agreed. VML needed to go down.

Heading into the top of the 5th inning, the Slayers were down 7-4 and needed to get some runs badly. Things didn't start out well as both PJer and The Truth hit fly outs. Knowing what had to be done, DeShawn took a walk so that SHS could have baserunners. With he and (a battered and bruised) Fire on base, Coacherson again hit a double to draw the score 7-6.

Then the wheels fell off of SHS' softball bus. The defense fell apart and VML took advantage to score 6 more runs, making the score 13-6. The Slayers had one more change to get some runs in the top of the sixth inning, but a 1-2-3 inning wasn't going to do it.

VML, once again, topped SHS. They could possibly meet up in the season-end tourney, and maybe then SHS can snap the streak.

Next Game: SHS vs Barkley, Monday, July 21st @ 8:30

Blast Off

It's your good ol' Slayer Softball Historian reporting in after last night's game. Before it even started, there was some turmoil about when the game would actually start. After some discussion, and another game being rescheduled, it was decided that SHS would play at the originally scheduled time.

Losing the PRS (paper rock scissors) this time was Cap'n Bits, which meant for the fourth time this season, the Slayers were the visiting team. Going up to bat first, PJer wasted no time in showing Barkley who wanted to win more by hitting an in-the-park home run. The Truth got a basehit and so did DeShawn. Fire walked and Coacherson hit into a ground play. WRAM, Ogre and PT all singled and the Slayers were quickly up 3-0 going into the bottom of the first.

The defense was set up in the usual spot this week and we had a new pitcher (Cap'n Bits) due to Bendy being out. Playing superb defense after allowing a few hits to squeeze through, the Slayers were up 3-1 after one.

Back to the top of the lineup after Linds grounded out, JP popped out and then The Truth got another single. DeShawn took a walk (which loaded the bases) and Coacherson fought his instincts to take a walk, too. After clamping down defensively, the Slayers were up 5-1 after two.

The third inning wasn't as rewarding for SHS, but after a few walks and singles, Coacherson hit a line drive double to score DeShawn -- and also provided Fire with a chance to eat shit dive into third.

After the slide, the fans in the dugout had this to say, "what the f!?!" What the f indeed. But hey, she was safe. Another superb defensive bottom half, and the Slayers were up 6-1 after three. That's when SHS got a pep talk from the oddest of characters...

In between eating grass and ice cubes, GrassPlease tore into the Slayers, "ruff ruff, bark bark, ruff." In other words, she was sick of our weak hitting.

SHS responded. PT got a single. Cap'n Bits walked. With the bases loaded, PJer hit a double. The Truth singled. DeShawn walked. Fire walked. Boy Intern doubled. WRAM singled. Ogre singled. And then, the first out of the inning occurred. After that Cap'n Bits doubled. Linds fought off a rude smacktalk to hit a single. Then PJer went yard. The Truth doubled. DeShawn did something and after that we all were going crazy, because going into the bottom of the fourth inning, Slayers were up 24-1.

Yes. 24-1.

The last half inning was a blur. Barkley scored one run. SHS stopped them after that and what do you know, Slayers win! Slayers win!!! They murdered Barkley 24-2. They sit at 3-1-1 on the season. Two games and one half-inning to go until the tournament.

Next Game: GRUDGE MATCH, SHS vs VML, Monday, July 14th @ 8:30

Slayers Top TopCats 12-7

Apologies for the non-post last week, but the game isn't officially over yet. Shaggy (the umpire) missed a run that we scored and thought the game was over. He said we'd have to make it up at some point later in the season. For now, the game doesn't count against anyone's record. Stay tuned.

Last night's game, however, does count as a win for your fellow Slayers. SHS jumped all over TopCat for a fairly easy 12-7 win -- and that was AFTER TopCat had to borrow two interns to complete their roster. No worries, the Slayers had more than enough players to fill out the roster.

For the first time all season, SHS was the home team (thanks to Gimmie's righteous Paper Rock Scissors play) and the Slayers didn't disappoint. After allowing TopCat to score a run, the Slayers went to work with their bats. PJer and The Truth got on base only for DeShawn to score them both with an in-the-park home run. Then after few ground outs and a double by Coacherson, SHS was up 3-1 after one.

Trying out a new defensive scheme for the game, the hits and runs for TopCat were few and far between. Which was good, since the Slayers were looking to hit some more. Here are the game's highlights:

• Ogre caught a ball deep in Left, threw to PJer for the relay and then on to Bendy for a tag out at home.
• Number 2 hit a double that turned into a triple that turned into an in-the-park home run.
• Boy Intern played manager and inserted himself into the game, promptly makes a catch in the outfield from a ball that was hit so extremely high that Ogre had time to run over from Center Field to back him up.
• All of the girl Slayers' bats were smokin'. Grass. Lots of it.
• Fans included Fritz, Pits and Ash. Oh, and Number 2 Dad.
  

For the final out of the game, The Truth backed up a throw to 4 Beers and nailed a guy at home. And that pretty much sums up how the Slayers' latest win went. They were in control the whole game and never felt truly threatened by TopCat.

Next Game: SHS vs Barkley, Monday, July 7th @ 8:30