Slasher (aka Slayer) Softball

Slashers Scoop NBC Action News

2009-07-23T10:07:00.002-05:00

Sorry there wasn’t an update last week. We’ll break it down in 4 sentences or less.

Down 9-4 going into the last inning vs. Chiefs. Rally caps work and we tie 9-9 to push it to extra innings. We hold in our half so all we need is one run and we win. Ogre scores on a hit by Grunts but is called out at home because the ump said he had to slide at home on a close play (even though that’s not in the rules) and we tie 9-9. Lame.

Now on to this week that saw the Slashers take on NBC Action News. Our luck ran out as we lost the coin toss for the third time in four weeks so our bats were up first.

It’s been pretty common for the Slashers to start hot on offense and this week was no different. PJer scored on DeShawn’s RBI double. Coacherson knocked in DeShawn and The Truth on his own RBI double making it 3-0. WRAM and Hembo both had base hits with WRAM scoring on MeShell’s sacrifice and Hembo scoring on Jason’s RBI single.

The Slasher defense set the tone early holding NBC scoreless by ending the inning on a sweet running catch by Ogre in left. First inning score: 6-0 Slashers.

The 2nd inning started pretty but didn’t go quite as smoothly offense. PJer led the inning off with a solid double to center. DeShawn plated him with a bomb to right center field for the first Slasher outside-the-park homerun of the year. Coacherson followed that up with an in-the-park homerun of his own when he slid safely into home while opening that nasty gash on his shin for the 3rd time this season. Gross.

NBC got some clutch hitting, bringing home 4 runs to make it a ballgame. A nice catch by Misty on a foul ball held it to 4 in the inning. 2nd inning score: 9-4 Slashers.

The 3rd inning started with a bang with Hembo hitting a ball into the right field gap and coming all the way around to score on the Slashers 3rd homerun of the game. Some solid NBC defense forced our next 3 players to get out, ending our half of the inning.

The defense was once again solid, highlighted by a couple nice connections by PJer and Beardo to hold NBC to no runs in the 3rd. 3rd inning score 10-4 Slashers.

The bats were again extremely quiet for the next two innings as the Slashers saw only 1 run come in in both the 4th and 5th innings. Julie scored on DeShawn’s double in the 4th with Hembo coming in on Ogre’s single in the 5th.

NBC added three in the 4th but scored none in the 5th. 5th inning score: 12-7.

The Slashers needed some runs in the 6th to put the game out of reach and they did just that scoring 5 runs to open up their lead in the top half of the 6th. Julie scored on DeShawn’s RBI double. Reality knocked in The Truth and DeShawn with a single to right field. Coacherson redeemed himself by ripping one into right field and then scoring on Hembo’s single and the Slashers lead was pushed to 17-7.

NBC scored two runs of their own but it wasn’t enough as the Slasher’s record improved to 3-0-1. Final score: 17-9 Slashers.

Guy MVP: Hembo – 4-for-4, narrowly missing hitting for the cycle and remaining undefeated on the mound.
Gal MVP: The Truth – 3-for-4 with the solid outfield play she puts out every time we take the field.
Camo Beer Pop-up of the game: This was a no-doubter. Coacherson sent a ball to the sun that came down to the shortstop with the bases loaded to end the 4th inning.

Big props to Julie and Misty for filling in for us. You two rock. Pat on the back for Reality for pushing the first baseman down in defense of MeShell. MeShell also gets props for playing through the pain of a softball off the knee last week. Thank you to Pits for keeping the book. Pits’ friend Jamie and Smashlee for cheering us on.

Next game vs. Saepio @ 9:00 p.m. Wednesday. Be there to slash with your blades.

Slashers' win NOT featured on radio.

2009-07-13T18:42:00.002-05:00

Week 2 saw the Slashers take on 810 sports radio in ad league softball action. There were quite a few lineup changes this week as Hembo was on the hill returning from anniversary, year one. Ogre graced us with his presence after bailing out last week. And Frisk and Reality turned in their V cards from Legally Blonde the musical to assist in the quest for victory.

Once again we came out on the short side of rocks, paper, scissors and were saddled with the role of visitors.

The first inning saw the Slashers continue their recent hot offensive streak. A nice two-out rally saw Coacherson, WRAM, Ogre, Reality, Hembo, MeShell, and PJer get seven straight hits to plate seven Slasher runs for a more-than-solid first inning. 810 got three runs of their own on an absolute bomb to center field, but the defense held for the rest of the inning. 1st inning Score: 7-3 Slashers.

The second inning went much like the first as DeShawn started the inning with a two-bagger and came home on Coacherson’s RBI double. A nice play by 810 on WRAM gave the Slashers two outs with only two runs in. But 2-out-rallies were on our side as Ogre, Reality, Hembo, MeShell, and PJer all scored to bust the game wide open. It could have been worse but DeShawn’s home run trot on a not-so-homerun hit only got him a double to keep the Slashers from scoring two more. 810’s hitting and the Slasher’s lack of communication on defense (sorry Frisk, our bad) brought seven runs home. 2nd inning score: 15-10 Slashers.

Bad things usually come in 3’s and the third inning was no different. The offenses for both teams completely shut down. Coacherson scored the only Slasher run on Ogre’s popup to left. 810 didn’t fare much better as a pop fly and a nice inning-ending double-play by Coacherson ensured another inning would be played. 3rd inning score 16-10 Slashers.

The bats reappeared in the 4th as MeShell, PJer, Paula, DeShawn and Coacherson all scored to make it an 11 run lead and an almost assured ad league win. 810 came back with just one run of their own and the Slashers walked away with a 2-0 record to begin league play. Final score: 21-11 Slashers

Guy MVP: Coacherson – 4-for-4 and scored each time he came to the plate. Also had a very nice double play in the 3rd.
Gal MVP: MeShell – 2-for-2 with 2 RBI and a walk.
Camo beer of the game: DeShawn for his skyscraping pop-up that didn’t reach the outfield.

Also, big thanks to Pits for keeping score. Smashlee, Babby, and Baby Babby for Fanning us on. And Grunts and Beardo for not being dicks about us not getting you in the game. Again, our bad. Won’t happen again.

Next game vs. Chiefs @ 7:00 p.m. Wednesday. All you fans of the slash be sure to be there. Or else.

New Season Begins

2009-07-02T09:00:00.004-05:00

Change comes with every new season of Ad League softball and we'd be fooling ourselves if this season was going to be any different. There's usually a few new teams. There's almost always a new umpire (since Bill isn't umping anymore). And there's always, ALWAYS, roster additions and subtractions. But this year, there's also a big change with our team name -- this season we're called the Slashers. New name + new additions on the roster = new results? Like, maybe, a championship? Time will tell.

So, last night the new season of Slasher softball started against our cross-Crossroads/Downtown rival, NK. We have a very storied history with NK, not just in softball, but in kickball, too. To say that we were amp'd for the first game of the season against them would be a tinsy lie.

The Slashers lost the coin toss so they were designated the away team. Coacherson issued the lineup and it was time to play. There were a lot of new faces in the Slasher lineup with Smashlee, B, and Meshell making their collective softball debuts.

This is where the facts get a little murky as the scorebook is not in front of me so this is how it may or may not have played out.

Much like last year, the slashers started off the first inning with a bang. 7 straight hits to begin the inning put the Slashers up 7-0 on MeShell’s sacrifice RBI. McShit quickly followed that up by driving in another run to make the score 8-0. Only a leaping catch by NK’s shortstop on a liner by PJer could slow down the offense and end the top half of the first inning.

A few first inning jitters and some leaky defense led to NK plating 9 runs in their half of the inning to go up 9-8 in what could only be described as a defenseless first inning.

The Slashers came back with 3 runs in the top of the second, two of which came on Coacherson’s 2 RBI sac fly that plated The Truth and DeShawn. Historical fact: This is the first documented 2 RBI sac fly in Slasher history. Beardo’s Heath Kennedy-style (falling on his ass) catch allowed NK to only get 4 runs of their own to give them 12-11 lead after two innings.

The 3rd inning was the turning point in a pivotal stretch in the season’s first game. The bats stayed alive with McShit, Smashlee, PJer, The Truth, and B all scoring to give the Slashers 5 more runs in the top half. Some stellar defense, including an over the shoulder catch by PJer held NK to just 1 run and gave the Slashers a 17-13 lead going into the final inning.

McShit helped himself out leading the inning off the 4th with the first round-tripper of the year, making the score 18-13. 2 more runs came in and built the lead to 20-13 that was nearly more as WRAM drove 3 foul balls down the third baseline that were just barely foul.

Needing 7 runs to tie, NK came out swinging. The first 2 runners in the inning scored as the nerves set in for everyone except The Truth. A running, shoestring catch by the veteran outfielder got the Slashers their first out. A double by NK scored a run and made the score 20-16. The next batter dribbled one to short for the second out that put the Slashers one out away from their first victory of the season. A deep drive into center field looked like trouble but The Truth would not be denied and made a leaping catch to end the game and secure the W.

So the Slashers are 1-0 and will take the field against a TBD opponent at a not-so-specific time next Wednesday night. Congrats to all and special thanks to B and Smashlee for filling in and doing a kick-ass job.

Slayers Begin Tourney with a Win

2008-08-12T08:44:00.003-05:00

The last time we saw the Slayer team in action, they had just lost to Barkley. The time before that, they had lost to VML. Even though their record was good enough to give them the 2nd seed in the Monday Division Tournament, the SHS truck was puttering into the garage. Their opponent was TopCat, a team they had beaten earlier in the year 12-7. But as time has told us with the Slayers, you never know what team is going to show up to play.

Being 2nd seed helped SHS be home team for just the second time this season, so the Slayers hit the field first. Looking at the mound, a familiar face had come home. That's right, McShit was back and started the night off. A couple of well-placed hits by TopCat and some rusty pitching by McShit put the Slayer in a 3-0 hole going into the bottom of the first.

PJer didn't think that was cool. "That's not cool," he said. So he did something about it, he smacked an inside-the-park home run to get SHS' players and fans excited. "I'm so pumped right now," exclaimed Babby. Unfortunately, the rest of the inning didn't fare as well. The remaining batters couldn't score DeShawn and Gimmie, so heading into the second inning, TopCat was up 3-1.

It was time to play defense. But once again, the Slayers found themselves in trouble -- 0 outs and the bases loaded. The next hit popped up behind second base and PJer easily scooted over for the catch and winged it in to McShit. In a bizarre base-running twist, the TopCat player on third thought they would sneak a run in -- but McShit was too fast and caught them. It was a Slayer double-play. Still with two people on base, TopCats' best hitter came up and slammed one into deep left-center. With Coacherson and DeShawn having fully scouted the player, the defense was set up in the right position. DeShawn took about 5 steps back and caught the ball for the third out.

The bottom of the second inning looked to be more of the same faultering hitting performances by SHS. Ogre popped out, 4 Beers grounded out, which left McShit up to bat. Needing something to get the Slayers going, McShit did something he's never done before. He took a walk. That put him and Tabby on base and brought PJer up to bat. PJer smacked a double and scored two runs. Then The Truth crushed a triple and DeShawn hit a double to score another run. After two full innings, SHS was up 5-3.

The third inning was pretty much a wash as both teams had close to three-up, three-down at bats. Ogre hit a triple for the Slayers, but other than that, nothing exciting happened.

The fourth inning was more of the same on defense for SHS. A hit went to Cap'n Bits, who turned and got a force out at second, then PJer rifled the ball over to 4 Beers for a double play. The Slayers were on fire defensively, which turned into four MORE runs in the bottom of the fourth. That brought the score to 9-3 heading into the fifth.

The announcement was made that there was only 12 minutes left in regulation. With only a six run lead, the Slayers were poised to either win or have another fabulous meltdown. TopCat didn't ease up, either. Working hard to keep people off base, a ball was smacked into right-center field. Coacherson saw it all happening in slow motion.

"So there I was in left-center. We had shifted over to hopefully cut off the left-handed hitter. The ball was hit. Hard. It was rocketing towards the fence. I knew it wasn't a home run, but it was a great hit. I saw The Truth and Hightower converging towards the ball, but neither of them were going to get it. 'Shit, that's probably a triple,' I said. The Truth was yelling at Hightower to 'get back, get back.' DeShawn could do nothing from left field. But then, Hightower (who was 250 squats stronger from the day prior) was running... no... galloping towards the ball. A full-speed Hightower reached out with his mitt (which looks more like a giant paw on him) and plucked the ball from the air. Just plucked it. And saved the game with that catch. What an f'ing catch."

After that, no one really knew what was going on. And before we knew it, the game was over and the Slayers were advancing to the Monday Division Championship game.

Next Game: SHS vs VML, Monday, August 18 @ 6:30.

How to Lose a Softball Game in 4.5 Innings

2008-07-22T08:55:00.003-05:00

What's up Slayer fans? I'll tell you what isn't up, our win column. Last night wasn't as much of a heartbreaking game as it was a what-the-hell-just-happened game. The last time SHS took the field against Barkley, really good things happened. This time, however, well... really not-so-good things happened.

To sum up last night, here's How to Lose a Softball Game in 4.5 Innings:

Lose the coin toss -- The Slayers have played 7 games this season and once, just once, have they been the home team. We need to get better at Paper Rock Scissors* for next year. The result last night, away team.
Score one-run in-the-park homers -- PJer (in the first inning) and Coacherson (in the second inning) both had great hits and scooted around the bases with home runs -- the problem is there was nobody else on base when it happened.
Hit pop ups -- This goes against most all conventional wisdom, but if you're trying to lose a game, pop ups will kill you. To make it even worse, hit said pop ups to players that look/act surprised when they catch it. If you need advice on how to do this, ask DeShawn, he'll teach ya.
Fielding errors are your friend -- Bobbles, missed relays, pop-fly pop outs, etc. can get you far when you do them correctly.
Miscommunicate the situation -- Confuse your infield by telling them one play when you meant another. This is a no-brainer.
Be overconfident -- This will be the icing on the cake for your team. After shell-shocking a team 24-2 the previous time, and THEN after watching the same team lose 22-4 BEFORE your game, just be cocky. It helps loads.

It was painful to watch the Slayers last night, but the game wasn't out of hand until the fourth inning. Until that point, it was a great defensive battle. The bad part was that SHS' bats weren't finding the holes it usually does.

Losing the game was not how Linds intended to end her career, "Hi! We sucked tonight. I'm moving to New York. Hi! Look a chicken." She then walked to her father's Lexus and drove away from the fields for the last time.

That wraps up the regular season with the Slayers sitting on a 3-4-1 record -- which shouldn't be too bad, seeing that they split the regular season games with Barkley and Saepio (pending .5 innings), the run difference should have SHS in second place. That is, of course, if the league is interested in keeping scores and standings. Stay tuned.

Next Game: Should be the All-Star game, date and time TBD.

* By the by, PRS is an extremely dumb way to determine home field advantage. If you're making a schedule for the season, it would be very easy to say who is the home team.

Grudge Match

2008-07-17T08:48:00.003-05:00

Another week down, another Slayer Softball game played. This week it was a grudge match, VML. It's been almost two years since SHS has handed VML a loss and many of the players were looking to turn that trend around.

"I've heard a lot about this rivalry, how exciting," exclaimed Boy Intern. "Good luck without me, I'm a wuss."

So without Boy Intern, the Slayers set their lineup and took the field against the 5-0 VML. Once again, SHS proved their un-worthiness in Paper/Rock/Scissors and fell victim to the gods. VML won home field advantage, Slayers were visitors -- which meant our bats were first.

The first inning started out with a bang as PJer hit a shot into right center that the VML fielder botched -- allowing PJer to scoot over to third base. The Truth slammed a single. DeShawn hit a double. And Coacherson hit a double to set the score at 3-0 after one half inning. VML took to their bats and after a nice defensive effort (minus a lousy triple and a solo shot), SHS led 3-2 after one.

The second inning provided little fanfare for either team as the score remained 3-2 going into the third inning. Unfortunately, SHS' bats wouldn't wake up in the third inning, either. But again, after a nice defensive effort, the score was 4-3 going into the fourth with VML on top.

In the fourth, Ogre showed what he could do with his bat by crushing the ball all the way to the fence for a triple. Fortunately, Bendy scored him on a single and the Slayers had the game tied, 4-4, going into the bottom of the fourth.

With two outs in the inning, Fire decided that she needed to give SHS a spark. For the third out, Fire took a throw at first base and then tackled the baserunner -- or was it that the VML baserunner tackled her? Either way, there was nearly a scuffle as DeShawn was in the mix making sure that it "wasn't cool" for a big dude to tackle a girl.

"Let's see if they like Black Magic tackling them," yelled an angry DeShawn.

WRAM asked, "What the hell does that mean?"

No one on the team could answer her as only DeShawn understood what that meant, but we all agreed. VML needed to go down.

Heading into the top of the 5th inning, the Slayers were down 7-4 and needed to get some runs badly. Things didn't start out well as both PJer and The Truth hit fly outs. Knowing what had to be done, DeShawn took a walk so that SHS could have baserunners. With he and (a battered and bruised) Fire on base, Coacherson again hit a double to draw the score 7-6.

Then the wheels fell off of SHS' softball bus. The defense fell apart and VML took advantage to score 6 more runs, making the score 13-6. The Slayers had one more change to get some runs in the top of the sixth inning, but a 1-2-3 inning wasn't going to do it.

VML, once again, topped SHS. They could possibly meet up in the season-end tourney, and maybe then SHS can snap the streak.

Next Game: SHS vs Barkley, Monday, July 21st @ 8:30

Blast Off

2008-07-08T08:40:00.005-05:00

It's your good ol' Slayer Softball Historian reporting in after last night's game. Before it even started, there was some turmoil about when the game would actually start. After some discussion, and another game being rescheduled, it was decided that SHS would play at the originally scheduled time.

Losing the PRS (paper rock scissors) this time was Cap'n Bits, which meant for the fourth time this season, the Slayers were the visiting team. Going up to bat first, PJer wasted no time in showing Barkley who wanted to win more by hitting an in-the-park home run. The Truth got a basehit and so did DeShawn. Fire walked and Coacherson hit into a ground play. WRAM, Ogre and PT all singled and the Slayers were quickly up 3-0 going into the bottom of the first.

The defense was set up in the usual spot this week and we had a new pitcher (Cap'n Bits) due to Bendy being out. Playing superb defense after allowing a few hits to squeeze through, the Slayers were up 3-1 after one.

Back to the top of the lineup after Linds grounded out, JP popped out and then The Truth got another single. DeShawn took a walk (which loaded the bases) and Coacherson fought his instincts to take a walk, too. After clamping down defensively, the Slayers were up 5-1 after two.

The third inning wasn't as rewarding for SHS, but after a few walks and singles, Coacherson hit a line drive double to score DeShawn -- and also provided Fire with a chance to ~~eat shit~~ dive into third.

After the slide, the fans in the dugout had this to say, "what the f!?!" What the f indeed. But hey, she was safe. Another superb defensive bottom half, and the Slayers were up 6-1 after three. That's when SHS got a pep talk from the oddest of characters...

In between eating grass and ice cubes, GrassPlease tore into the Slayers, "ruff ruff, bark bark, ruff." In other words, she was sick of our weak hitting.

SHS responded. PT got a single. Cap'n Bits walked. With the bases loaded, PJer hit a double. The Truth singled. DeShawn walked. Fire walked. Boy Intern doubled. WRAM singled. Ogre singled. And then, the first out of the inning occurred. After that Cap'n Bits doubled. Linds fought off a rude smacktalk to hit a single. Then PJer went yard. The Truth doubled. DeShawn did something and after that we all were going crazy, because going into the bottom of the fourth inning, Slayers were up 24-1.

Yes. 24-1.

The last half inning was a blur. Barkley scored one run. SHS stopped them after that and what do you know, Slayers win! Slayers win!!! They murdered Barkley 24-2. They sit at 3-1-1 on the season. Two games and one half-inning to go until the tournament.

Next Game: GRUDGE MATCH, SHS vs VML, Monday, July 14th @ 8:30

Slayers Top TopCats 12-7

2008-07-01T08:30:00.003-05:00

Apologies for the non-post last week, but the game isn't officially over yet. Shaggy (the umpire) missed a run that we scored and thought the game was over. He said we'd have to make it up at some point later in the season. For now, the game doesn't count against anyone's record. Stay tuned.

Last night's game, however, does count as a win for your fellow Slayers. SHS jumped all over TopCat for a fairly easy 12-7 win -- and that was AFTER TopCat had to borrow two interns to complete their roster. No worries, the Slayers had more than enough players to fill out the roster.

For the first time all season, SHS was the home team (thanks to Gimmie's righteous Paper Rock Scissors play) and the Slayers didn't disappoint. After allowing TopCat to score a run, the Slayers went to work with their bats. PJer and The Truth got on base only for DeShawn to score them both with an in-the-park home run. Then after few ground outs and a double by Coacherson, SHS was up 3-1 after one.

Trying out a new defensive scheme for the game, the hits and runs for TopCat were few and far between. Which was good, since the Slayers were looking to hit some more. Here are the game's highlights:

Ogre caught a ball deep in Left, threw to PJer for the relay and then on to Bendy for a tag out at home.
Number 2 hit a double that turned into a triple that turned into an in-the-park home run.
Boy Intern played manager and inserted himself into the game, promptly makes a catch in the outfield from a ball that was hit so extremely high that Ogre had time to run over from Center Field to back him up.
All of the girl Slayers' bats were smokin'. Grass. Lots of it.
Fans included Fritz, Pits and Ash. Oh, and Number 2 Dad.

For the final out of the game, The Truth backed up a throw to 4 Beers and nailed a guy at home. And that pretty much sums up how the Slayers' latest win went. They were in control the whole game and never felt truly threatened by TopCat.

Next Game: SHS vs Barkley, Monday, July 7th @ 8:30

Slayer Softball Season Begins with Doubleheader

2008-06-17T08:56:00.002-05:00

It's been over a year since the Slayers took the field for softball and I'll tell you what, folks, it was a highly-anticipated year. SHS warmed up for softball this year with a jaunt in the kickball world. After placing second in the league, all attention was turned towards softball.

Bad news: No Bill the umpire this year. It's too hot for the old man. We'll miss him.
More bad news: The Slayers had to start off the year with a doubleheader.

So what happened?

Game one: SHS vs. Saepio
I wish I could say that the Slayers gave a warm welcome to Saepio in their first year of ad league softball, but that wasn't about to happen. Coming up to bat first, PJer and The Truth got on base via a walk. Then DeShawn and Black Magic went to work by knocking one out of the park. That's right, home run. The Slayers ended the first half of the inning up 3-0. Saepio came up and managed to score two runs, making the score 3-2.

At this point, the Slayer defense locked down. Hard. DeShawn and WRAM hooked up for a double-play. 4Beers made many plays at first. And Bendy took the reins from McShit (he's hurt, or something) and emerged as the SHS pitcher for this summer. Boy Intern even made a nice one-handed scoop in the outfield. The cylinders were a-clickin'.

With 11 guys signed up to play, there was quite a bit of shuffling going on in the line up. Everyone got to play, or bat, and SHS won their first game of the season, 13-2. As a reward for the win, SHS had to play again, just 10 minutes later.

Game two: SHS vs VML
All of the bats that were poppin' for SHS in the first game suddenly came to a stop in their second game. Additionally, all of the hoppin' defense was starting to crumble a bit, too.

The Slayers fell behind early 3-0 due to VML's bats finding holes and superb baserunning, but SHS wasn't out of it yet. An in-the-park home run by White Chocolate kept the Slayers in it.

Ultimately, the fielding errors combined with poor hitting and VML taking advantage of things did SHS in. They lost the game 10-5.

So the Slayers are 1-1 on the season and VML is once again the go-to rival for the team. Your Slayer Softball Historian apologizes for the lack of detailed reporting -- two games are hard to keep up with.

Next Game: SHS vs Saepio (yes, again), Monday, June 23rd @ 7:30

SHS Slain by NK

2007-06-10T08:34:00.000-05:00

No one really wants to remember much of this game, especially Coacherson. But the Slayers do have something to be proud of. After NK scored 9 runs in the top of the first inning, the Slayers played well and scored 9 of their own. The game stayed knotted up like that through the second inning, and that's when things started to fall apart.

SHS' bats stopped hitting, NK's defense (and offense) started to churn, Coacherson had three errors in the outfield, and the Slayers quickly found themselves with their first loss of the season, 21-10.

The VML game was rescheduled due to rain.

Walk-off Walk(s) Wins Game

2007-05-30T16:33:00.000-05:00

Heading into the second game of the season with a win on your belt is always something to hang your hat on. You have a certain amount of swag, confidence, mainly because you just assured yourself of NOT going winless for the year. The Slayers came into the game after putting on an offensive show (18 runs, the most in week one) versus Two West. Unfortunately, the early victory and massive run output didn't turn into much for game two versus newcomer Boulevard Beer.

The Slayers won the toss and decided to be the home team, so that put them in the field first. Boulevard didn't waste any time showing their strategy off (hitting singles and turning into doubles) and took a quick 2-0 lead. When the Slayers went up to bat, PJer and The Truth had trouble getting on base. To make things worse, The Truth was battling a slight hammy pull suffered during warm-ups and could only hobble when running. McShit hit the second in-the-parker of the season and that's all SHS could muster. Boulevard was ahead 2-1.

Innings two and three provided more runs for Boulevard and more injuries for the Slayers. Coming up gimpy in their legs were HoRep, Hightower, Number 2 and WRAM. Bendy even complained of something wrong with him. By count, that was five Slayers injured and five healthy. It showed on the scoreboard, too, as Boulevard led 10-6 after three.

Then the Slayers started to figure out how to play against Boulevard's strategy and the defense kicked in. Boulevard couldn't score a single run and it was SHS' turn to bat. That's when Boulevard's pitcher changed, and along with it, the game. The poor guy couldn't find the strike zone, much less the hittable zone and the Slayers adopted the wait-and-see policy about swinging the bat. Piling up batters on the bases doesn't help in a league where if you walk a guy, you also walk the girl behind him. Six runs later, the Slayers had their first lead of the game, 12-10.

Boulevard re-took the lead at 13-12, but the pitcher still couldn't find the zone. The Slayers scored the winning run on a walk-off walk, and the game ended up being 14-13. It's not the way you want to win a game, but a wins a win.

Next up, NK, June 4 @ 6pm.

The Season Begins!

2007-05-24T08:21:00.001-05:00

It had been a while. Their arms were tight and their eagerness was high. Having only one real practice under their belts, AND a second place finish in the tournament last year (thank you very much), the Slayers were primed and ready to rock another season of Ad League softball.

They started last week by waging war against Two West. PJer couldn't manage to get home team status for the Slayers , but no matter, they were looking forward to hitting the ball. Shifting the batting order this year, Coacherson hoped to start things off quickly -- and the top of the first went nearly according to plan. PJer and McShit both got hits and eventually scored. With Hightower and HoRep on base, Coacherson hit the first home run (in the park steez) of the year. Heading into the bottom of the first, the Slayers were on top 5-0.

Taking the field proved to be a rough spot for those who hate sheep. A few errors here and there (all due to anxious energy and maybe some beers), the Slayers allowed Two West to creep back into the game by scoring three runs of their own.

In the top of the second, the Slayers did more damage on the scoreboard. Newcomer Bendy, PJer, McShit and The Truth all scored, putting SHS up 9-3. The defense also clamped down a bit and only allowed Two West to score two runs of their own. Heading into the third inning, the score was 9-5, Slayers.

Batting in the third, the Slayers started to wear down. They scored three quick runs (Coacherson, Bendy and Number 2), but stranded several others. The score was 12-5 and Two West was starting to warm up.

McShit walked a few players and some errors were committed to load the bases. Then the inevitable happened -- someone on Two West crushed the ball over the fence for a grand slam. The Slayers were shaken up, but McShit buckled down. The next hit was a rocket down the third base line. But instead of the ball winding up in the outfield, HoRep merely stuck her glove out and snatched the ball from the air. The Slayers were pumped and quickly finished out the inning.

Looking to feed off of her own great play, HoRep couldn't translate it into offense as she grounded out. Coacherson dropped his shoulder and popped out. With two outs, and Smiley coming up to the plate, things weren't looking good. You see, Smiley had struck out the other two times she was up, but that smile never left her face. She headed up to the plate. Ball one. Ball two. Strike one. Ball three. ... ... ... Ball four! She walked and got on base. Smiley had no clue, but she started a two-out, six-run rally as the Slayers went up 18-10.

Two West came up and SHS was ready for them. They could only muster one run, bringing the score to 18-11. Bill declared that the next inning was the last and apparently, both teams didn't care at that point as each half of the inning was 1-2-3.

That didn't matter to the Slayers, though. Winning the first game of the season is the best way to start off. Unfortunately, there were no beers left after the game, so some of the team migrated down to Jilly's for some post-game festivities.

Next up, Boulevard.

All Good Things Come To An End

2006-09-18T08:47:00.000-05:00

The season is over! Long live the Queen, the season is over!

That's right Slayer fans, the 2006 Ad League Softball Season is over. Done. Kaput. Gone. But as promised, the SHS team was there for opening night and, fittingly, was there on the season's final night.

As if fate was playing it's own game with SHS and Fasone Garrett Boehm, the championship game had been re-scheduled once due to inclement weather and was nearly re-scheduled because of the condition of the field upon arrival.

For whatever reason, the city must have thought the season was over and had tilled up the field leaving about 5-6 inches of loose dirt all over the infield. Both teams weren't about to leave, though, so they banded together and, using the bleachers, grated the infield for what was arguably the best infield conditions all season.

After making the field right, it was time to play. PJer won the toss and the Slayers elected to be home team. That put them in the field first and showing no signs of rust, the defense put the smack down on Fasone and had a 1-2-3 inning.

Coming up to bat, however, proved to be a bit tougher for the Slayers. PJer ripped a hit and turned a single into a double for the first hit of the game. After The Truth got out, King Bunz hit a double, but PJer could only move to third. Auggy then hit a single to load up the bases. But SHS couldn't capitalize and they left all three runners stranded and the game was tied 0-0 after one.

The second inning proved to be fateful to the Slayers. After showing Fasone that they were a force to be wreckoned with, McShit and SHS lost their edge and following a series of well-placed hits, walks and a few errors, Fasone was sitting pretty with a 9-0 advantage.

Not being the best team in the league from playing behind, SHS went to bat in the bottom of the second inning, already feeling the pressure. Coacherson popped out, Number Two grounded out, McShit doubled and WRAM grounded out... leaving SHS with a big nine run gap.

The defense seemed to tighten back up and McShit got back on track with pitching, but by then, it was already too late. PJer had the lone bright spot in hitting for the Slayers with an in the park home run and SHS tried to rally a few times, but it was just too daunting of a task to come back nine runs.

Fasone ended up winning the game 16-5, but if you take that 9-run inning away, a 7-5 defensive battle would've been much more fun.

But really, the Slayers weren't all that depressed about losing. They finished the regular season 4-4 and were seeded fifth in their league for the tournament. After taking down both the Chiefs (previously undefeated) and BR (the brats of the league), SHS felt really good about making it as far as they did.

And the fans weren't disappointed, either. Turning out in force, the Slayers were well-represented in the cheering department. Coacherson wasn't sure if it was because his team was in the championship game or if it was because of the massive cooler full of beer... in either case, it was welcome.

It was a season well-played and much fun was had. They began the season saying good-bye to an old teammate (Sloan) and they ended the season saying good-bye to current teammates (Jerom"eo" and King Bunz). The off-season will be a tough one as the Slayers look to reload and follow up this year's surprise ending with another strong showing.

While SHS took time to congratulate Fasone (really, there wasn't a better team to lose to, they rocked and were great sportsmen and women), it's good to remember that Sally Hogshead says the best softball teams have the worst creative... SHS wasn't the best this year, and that's a-okay.

Nickname Cheatsheet

2006-08-29T17:29:00.000-05:00

Guys:
Coacherson - Seth
King Bunz - Heath
Where My Bitches At - Ben
McShit - Neil
PJer (pee-ger) - JP
"Hey" Craig - Craig
Jerom"eo" - Jerome
The Brazilian - Bruno
Long Toe - Andrew

Gals:
Auggy - Cindy
The Truth - Paula
WRAM (World Revolves Around Me) - Amy
Number 2 - Lindsay
Zieg Heil - Kelly
Intern '06 - Elizabeth
School Night - Lauren (pending approval)

Fans:
Cheerleader - Beth
Jage - JJ
Wegs - Matt

It Ain't Over Yet! (A Two Game Recap)

2006-08-23T08:40:00.000-05:00

Until that fat lady comes out and sings, Slayer Softball is alive and well. After having a game suspended last week (due to lack of daylight), the Slayers took the field Tuesday evening to finish their game with the undefeated Chiefs -- the winner would go on to play at 6:30, the loser... go home with their season over.

Game One

When the game was suspended last week, the Slayers had the big Mo. Things were going well and after four innings, SHS was up 6-4. If you remember, the first meeting between these two teams was very defensive-oriented, with the Chiefs winning 5-3. After home runs from both teams and some stellar defensive play, Bill decided that it was too dark to continue -- the game would be finished another night.

Around rolls Tuesday, the day to finish the game. The situation: SHS is up 6-4, they started in the top of the 5th, both teams have one home run (meaning only one more per team is allowed). Hoping to pick up where they left off, the Slayers went to work and scored a quick two runs (thanks to King Bunz' in the park home run), pushing the lead to 8-4.

When the Chiefs got up to bat, they were done having fun and messing around. They rattled off four runs of their own to tie it up at 8. Fearing another collapse, the Slayers re-grouped and went to bat.

Coacherson turned a botched single into a double to get into scoring position. Number Two popped out and that brought McShit up to bat. He knocked a hit into the outfield and Coacherson scored at home. One run was all the Slayers could muster, and they had the lead 9-8.

Heading into the bottom of the 6th, the Chiefs looked poised to pounce. The first batter came up and knocked a single into center field. The cut off throw came in, but missed his mark and all of a sudden, dude was running from first to second. Coacherson grabbed the ball and slung it to Auggy -- who caught it, turned and tagged the guy out! Play of the mother f'in game!

After another out and some hits, the Chiefs had two runners on base and Bill calls out that the time has expired and that if the Chiefs don't score here, the game was over. The Chiefs batter comes up and takes a pitch for strike one. The second pitch she hits, but it goes foul... strike two. McShit tosses the ball and again she makes contact. The ball dribbles towards McShit, who picks it up and fires it to Coacherson at first. Game over! SHS beats the best team in the league 9-8!!!

With that win, the Slayers now sat at 6-4 on the season and found themselves in the Final Four and having to play again 10 minutes later.

Game Two

The Slayers were most high from their previous win and having to face BR again (BR rallied from four down to tie the game, and eventually went on to win in extra innings earlier in the season) only made the next game even sweeter.

Having the worse regular season record, the Slayers were the away team -- so they started the game at the plate. BR, on the other hand, didn't seem to show up at all. The pitcher was throwing so poorly that all 10 batting Slayers scored in the first inning. It's one thing to play softball and not swing at pitches to hopefully get a walk (this is cheap), but it's another thing to not be able to swing at anything (that's not the batter's fault). So before I knew it, SHS was up 12-0 after the top of the first inning (due to walks, some hits and another King Bunz in the park home run).

BR wasn't going to give up too easily, though. And they roared back to score six of their own in the bottom of the first. But here's where it gets interesting... BR seemed a bit put off that SHS was taking so many walks, so they weren't swinging at anything either (this is foreshadowing).

In the top of the second, Coacherson turned another single into a double and McShit knocked him in for the Slayers' only score that inning. SHS was now ahead 13-6. BR, still under the idea of not swinging, scored none.

The top of the third was more of the same for the Slayers and BR. SHS scored one and BR none, so after three SHS was ahead 14-6.

Inning number four was a good one for the Slayers -- even though King Bunz left the game hurt after hitting his third in the park home run (grand slam style). With four more runs tacked on, and BR doing nothing at the plate for the third inning in a row, the Slayers were now up 18-6.

Now things begin to get interesting. BR replaced their faulty pitcher midway through the first inning, for good reason. The new pitcher was in hurry mode and was pitching pretty quickly -- so quickly, sometimes, that Bill didn't even see the pitch thrown and/or would tell the guy to slow down. In addition, since BR was taking so many pitches, bad moods were starting to pile up.

In the top of the fifth, "Hey" Craig punished the ball and went yard, 19-6. Zieg Hile smashed a shot over the left fielder's head and wound up with a double. Coacherson hit one to the warning track for out number one. Number Two grounded for out number two. McShit comes up and it now becomes a pitchers duel. The BR pitcher gets way behind in the count 3-0 and as any smart batter would do, if you have 3 balls and no strikes, you take the next pitch. Well McShit didn't have that chance since the pitcher rolled the ball to home plate... rolled it. Words were exchanged and now the bases were loaded (when a guy walks, the next batter walks, too), with two outs.

PJer comes up and Bill makes the announcment that if SHS scores two more runs that means they'll be ahead by 15 and the mercy rule will be in effect, giving the Slayers the win. PJer knocked the pitch into the outfield and the Slayers scored two. Bill called the game, Slayers win 21-6!!!

The game ended in controversy, however. With the home team not being able to complete the inning, the mercy rule probably shouldn't have been put into effect. I'd like to think that Billma (the Ad League Softball version of Karma) came up since some of the BR players weren't being good sports.

Controversy or not, the Slayers are going to the Championship game. Now sporting a record of 7-4, SHS really seems to be gelling at the right time of the year. Please, come out and support the Slayers as they try to become the champs of the ad league!

Championship Game: Monday, August 28th at 6:30.

Fairweather Historian?

2006-08-10T08:31:00.000-05:00

Is the Slayer season over? Did they win their last two games of the year? Did you die in a horrible car accident where you crashed into a truck transporting glass eyes to and from Albuquerque, NM?

The answers to those questions: no, no and no.

It's true, I've been slacking as of late in the history-telling department. For that I apologize. It might've been the heat, but really it was the lack of will to report on the most recent games. Why is that, you ask? Because it seems that the Slayers have developed a knack of melting down at the end of games...

Case in Point #1: In the most highly anticipated game of the year (for Coacherson), SHS took the field against VML. Luckily for the Slayers, VML had just finished playing a game, therefore they were tired. SHS came out hot, but slowly let VML back in the game as they went ahead 10-8 going into the bottom of the last inning. SHS mustered up 3 straight outs to lose the game. A hard fought victory for VML.

Case in Point #2: As if fate was tempting SHS to win a close game, they were pitted against BR in a rescheduled game from earlier in the season. Once again, the Slayers were playing a team that had just played a game, so they should've been ripe for the plucking. Going into the bottom of the last inning, SHS was up by 4 runs... and then the meltdown occurred. BR came back to tie the game, sending it into extra innings. The Slayers scored one run in the top half, but they couldn't stop BR from getting 2 more in the bottom. The result, BR won 11-10.

So the Slayers ended the regular season 4-4. Not a horrible record, but they could've easily been 7-1 if they could have closed out some games. Taking a .500 record into the postseason isn't a bad thing, though... if you think about it, MLB teams would be ecstatic to be .500. The Slayers want more, though, and they would get their chance in their tournament against Barkley Evergreen Team 1 (a team they beat 9-6 during the regular season).

(Historian's Note: Some details are a bit hazy due to post-game activities)

With the most fans to ever attend a Slayer softball game, SHS took the field first (since they had the better record, they were automatically the home team)... and from the get go, they weren't messing around -- Coacherson had them fired up. After some stellar defense the Slayers were trotting back to the dugout with the score 0-0.

The defense was hot, and their bats were even hotter. PJer had a massive hit barely make it to third base, but he beat the throw -- one duck on the pond. Then The Truth got on base (was it a walk?) leaving two ducks on the pond for King Bunz (second place in this year's home run derby). Bunz made contact and due to some fine coaching from "Hey" Craig and Jerom"eo," the Slayers were up 2-0. With the King on base, Where My Bitches At stepped up to the plate and cracked one over the right fielders head. The coaches sent him and soon enough he had himself an in the park home run. SHS was on top 4-0.

Coming off of a win on Tuesday night, BEAP1 wasn't ready to lay down and go out quietly. With two outs and the bases loaded, they scrapped and scored two runs... and then "the tackle" happened. Already back to the top of the lineup, the second baseman for BEAP comes up to the plate. She hits a blooper that lands nearly on the line between first and home plate. As she's running to first, McShit charged for the ball to throw her out. She began to stumble (or so McShit says) and as he's reaching for the ball, McShit tackled her they collide. Nothing happened for about five seconds until McShit grabbed the ball -- which was still in fair play -- and tagged her. Bill called her out and the Slayers escaped a dangerous inning, still up 4-2.

After a marvelous play, it was McShit's turn to bat... and he strikes out. Yes, strikes out. That didn't bode well for the Slayers, it was a three-up, three-down inning. Then BEAP1 came alive and scored four runs to take the lead, 6-4.

Back at the top of the lineup, the Slayers pounced. After four of the first five batters scored, Coacherson knocked a single to that sent Where My Bitches Out home. Stuck on first, Number 2 came up and hit a ball right to the shortstop. Knowing the force was coming, Coacherson got a good step on the ball and rattled the shortstop -- he threw it, but it was already too late, Coacherson somehow ended up on the ground, safe. "He's not happy unless he gets dirty... and boy is he dirty," exclaimed The Truth.

With two outs and both Coacherson and Number 2 on base, McShit got his revenge. "Didn't this guy strike out last time," asked the second basemen that McShit tackled ran into. He didn't strike out this time, he hit an inside the park home run. That stellar inning left SHS up 11-6.

Then a mini-meltdown started to happen. McShit walked two guys allowing some runs to score. But the Slayers were strong and held their ground, only letting BEAP1 to score three runs. 11-9.

Again at the top of the lineup, the first seven batters scored. McShit hit another in the park home run and the Slayers were in control 20-9. Since that was the bottom of the fourth inning, the mercy rule wasn't in effect (the game is called if a team is up 15 after three innings, or 10 after five).

Looking to cruise through the rest of the game, the Slayers may have taken their edge off a little bit... and that's when they dropped their guard completely. A missed catch here, an overthrow there, miscommunication galore... errors were being tossed around like shots from the Jager Fairy. The ship was sinking and it looked like the bats were going to have to come back out to secure a win. Then Bill said that the time limit had expired, so if the Slayers were up at the end of the inning, they won. The score was now 20-17, there were two outs and BEAP1 had two runners on base. A guy came up to the plate and crushed the ball into left center field. "Hey" Craig started to float left, but quickly had to turn on some jets to get to the right spot... he slowed down, reached out, and snagged the ball for the final out of the game.

SLAYERS WIN!!! SLAYERS WIN!!!

It was an extremely hard fought match, but the Slayers prevailed against the odds they dealt themselves. The SHS ring-leader, Jage, took the team out to celebrate afterwards, knowing that the worst the Slayers could end up as is a .500 team.

Next Up: The Chiefs, 7:00 Tuesday night. Think SHS has a chance? You bet they do... the Slayers held them to their lowest offensive output all season in an extremely close game.

Five Things You Shouldn't Ask About The Last Game

2006-07-17T13:28:00.000-05:00

The Slayers FINALLY returned to action last week after a three+ week layoff. Though they took part in some batting practice before the game, the rust seemed readily apparent once the game started.

Five Things You Shouldn't Ask About The Last Game:

5. Was it hot out there?
My goodness gracious was it hot. Most people enjoy a nice cold beer on hot days, but this was just sick. I think I even saw Bill starting to melt -- which could explain some lousy calls.

4. Did the Slayers start the game off well?
Not really. Glenn Devins started the game with 8 players in the field, but the Slayers couldn't capitalize. Soon enough, it was 10 on 10, so the advantage (or what little one there was) was gone.

3. Assuming they found themselves behind during the game, did anyone step up and make some big plays?
Actually yes. First off, the Slayers played from behind the entire game. And when they were down several runs, Where My Bitches At stepped up and ripped an in the park home run. The Slayers ended that inning down just two runs, 9-7.

2. What happened then?
After the first batter, the Slayers had one out and looked poised to return back to the dugout quickly for the bottom half of the last inning.

1. So, did they win?
Hardly. Glenn Devins took advantage of McShit and the entire Slayer defense en route to scoring six runs in the top of the 7th. By the time the Slayers got up to bat, they were all completely perplexed and couldn't even muster one base runner in the inning. Game over. The Slayers lost 15-7.

I'd never seen such a thing. Every last Slayer left the dugout with their heads low and their tails thoroughly tucked. It was a site to see and one this historian never hopes to see again.

The classiest of teams, Glenn Devins, took home the victory that hot night, and the Slayers hope they can match wits again.

Next Game: The Slayers look to get back on the winning track this Wednesday at 7pm, vs. Meers Advertising (who are 1-5), but they'll have to do so without McShit and Auggy... will they prevail?

Softball Lords, Have Mercy

2006-06-15T07:45:00.000-05:00

Overheard directly after the game vs. AdKnowledge on Wednesday night...

Where My Bitches At: Uh, what just happened?

Coacherson: The game is over.

McShit: What the F do you mean, over... I was about to not walk any more batters!

Where My Bitches At: Yeah, and I was about to hobble around the bases again with another in the park home run. Booyah!

Cindy "Auggy" Augustine: No kidding, I wanted to get another hit.

Elizabeth "Intern '06" Holbrook: It can't be over, I've only slid, err, dove, into first base!!!

Coacherson: Look everyone, I wish it weren't over, either... but Bill called the game.

King Bunz: That guy is too old, he probably doesn't even remember my bad ass catch in the outfield. You know, the one I turned into a double play?

Coacherson: What does that have to do with anything?

King Bunz: Oh, nothing. But that was bad ass, wasn't it!?!

McShit: Anyway, seriously, why was the game called?

PJer: I bet it was because that one hit I had bounced over the fence. Bill probably thought that means we won.

Auggy: Ooooo, I bet you're right.

Coacherson: Uh-what? No.

Beth "Cheerleader" Oppliger: IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS HERE, AGAIN!!!

McShit: Do you really still yell all the time?

King Bunz: Yes, she does, I can hear her all the way over at UMB.

Paula "The Truth" Cousins (new nickname): It wasn't any of those reasons, duh. It's because Rex played for us tonight.

Everyone: What!?!

The Truth: Wait, my bad, he's never played for us.

Coacherson: Okay, I'll give everyone a hint. We scored a lot...

Where My Bitches At: Now we're talking! (high fives King Bunz)

Lindsay "Number 2" Bruno: I don't think he meant it that way. He either meant we scored because my dad was here or because I got three hits.

Jerom"eo": Oh bullshit. It was because I like NASCAR.

Amy "WRAM" (world revolves around me, hey, she said it) McIntosh: Fiddlesticks. It's all fiddlesticks.

Coacherson: What do you mean?

WRAM: I read on the internet that the game was called because we didn't win.

Cheerleader: We didn't?

Everyone: Awww, damn!

Coacherson: Wait up guys, that's not right. Amy, the game JUST ended, it's not on the internet, yet.

WRAM: Oh.

Wegs: The game was called because I quit SHS. Hey intern, get me a beer.

Intern '06: Yes sir!

Coacherson: While that's the best theory yet, it's not the reason.

King Bunz: Nuts, we'll never solve this mystery.

Auggy: Coacherson, you seem to know soooo-ooooo-oooo much, why don't YOU tell us why the game is over.

Coacherson: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the Slayers came to play. If you remember, we had 15 runs in the first inning. 15!!! Now, our defense wasn't so good in the bottom half of the inning... we let them score 7 runs. After that, our bats cooled off and the other team finally figured out how to play the field a little better, but they still didn't know how to hit.

The game was officially called after three innings of play, because of a mercy rule. This year, if you're ahead by 15 runs after three innings, you automatically win the game. After three innings, we were ahead 20-7. NOTE: There's an odd discrepancy with last night's game. The official rules say this, "Starting in 2006 the game will be called if one team is winning by 15 runs or more runs after 3 innings. And 10 runs or more after 5 innings." We didn't play 5 innings...

Plain and simple, we kicked their ass.

So no, King Bunz, it wasn't your sweet catch. Where My Bitches At, it wasn't either of our in the park home runs. Number 2, it wasn't your three hits. Intern '06, it wasn't your slide/dive into first.

It wasn't one single thing... it was all of them. I'm so proud of you team. The way we fought through that horrible defensive effort in the first inning and turned it around, not allowing them to score again. That was priceless.

Okay, no game next week... but let's get in here and have a group hug.

.... end conversation

But by then, the rest of the team had left the fields, leaving all of the empty beer cans for Coacherson to pick up.

It was a good game, barring the bottom half of the first inning, that is. And sure enough, the Slayers' bats woke up and pounded out the most runs scored in a KC Ad League game this season. Let's hope that continues into the next game.

Next Game: Wednesday, June 28, 6:00 vs. Bernstein-Rein

Only in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

2006-06-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

The Top Ten Reasons Why The Slayers Are Now 2-1:

10. New Bad Luck Charm?
Beth showed up to her first game of the season to "cheer" the team on.

9. No Good Karma?
Bill didn't call one single bad play against the other team.

8. Not Enough Beer?
"Hey" Craig nearly brought two 30-packs, but chickened out at the last second.

7. We Doubled Their Double Play Output?
Our Double Plays: 2. Theirs: 1.

6. "Where My Bitches At" Wasn't Fast Enough?
Sure Ben can hit the ball, far, but he only made it to third for a triple.

5. Lindsay Wasn't There?
Since when did getting your cable turned on become more important than a Slayer Softball game?

4. "The Brazilian" Wasn't There?
Bruno is a true socialite. Sometimes too social for the team's own good.

3. The Reign of "King Bunz?"
Heath, a.k.a. The Basket-Catching Machine, only had two wild catches this game.

2. "McShit" Wasn't 100%?
You can't hit the pitcher during batting practice and expect him to play his best game!

... And the number one reason that the Slayers are now 2-1:
1. We Weren't Playing Horseshoes OR Hand Grenades

Yes, yes, yes. The Slayers are now 2-1, but barely so. They lost to the Chiefs last night in a very hard-fought game. The final was 5-3 and was really a defensive battle on both sides.

The Chiefs (a perennial power-house) weren't more talented than the Slayers. But they played a lot smarter and hit where the Slayers weren't. The Slayers, on the other hand, while playing great defense, couldn't find enough holes in the Chiefs D.

That didn't mean the Chiefs had an easy opponent. Far from it. There was a little urgency coming from them in the final inning. That urgency was quickly squashed as the Slayers failed to get their rally caps in good position.

If that's the best the league has to offer, then it's safe to say that the Slayers have quickly found themselves in good company in the upper echelon of the league.

Next week's game: Wednesday, June 14, vs. AdKnowledge

Second Game Down, Six To Go

2006-05-30T20:56:00.000-05:00

The situation: Barkley Evergreen & Partners (BEAP) dude comes up to bat, acting a bit goofy. First pitch... WHIFF! Cindy mutters, "oh, this should be interesting." Coacherson counters with, "I think he's faking." Second pitch... BAAAAAAM! A nice shot over a running "Hey" Craig's out-stretched glove in left field.

The result: A few runs, if any, scored by the other team.

The morale: Don't underestimate anyone.

The silver lining: He wasn't faking, he was just pretty lit... lucky hit.

Tuesday night was the setting of the Slayers second game of the season. After a week off, and a little rust to shake, it didn't look good after not winning the coin flip to start the game. The Slayers had to bat first. The Slayers haven't had to bat first all season long (granted, it IS only the second game, but that's whatever).

The Slayers responded and showed some great adversity. After a three-run inning and a three up - three down inning at the bottom half, the Slayers were ahead 3-0.

The second inning wasn't as productive as the first -- maybe about 33% productive (they only scored one). The nice thing is that BEAP only scored one as well, making the score 4-1.

From here, the game gets pretty boring, or maybe I just fell asleep during some things. Hey, I'm the historian, who likes tons and tons of details!?!

The bats weren't rattling a whole lot tonight, but the defense was in mid-season form. The most BEAP ever scored in one inning was four (I think), and the Slayers were in control the entire game. It helps when the other team isn't a great hitting team... it also helps that when they do hit it, over 75% of the time it was hit at a Slayer fielder who wasn't about to mess things up.

Following Shortstop JP "PJer" (read: peeger) Wright's lead, the Slayer defense was amazing. On one hit, the ball was quickly rolling to the outfield over second base. PJer, out of nowhere, scoops the ball up with bare hand, sets himself and guns the runner out at first. Miraculous.

"THAT one was for all the ladies in the audience," said a confident PJer after the game. "Since Ben isn't here, I'll say that I know where his bitches are at. Not with him. BURN!"

Game two is in the books, and once again, the Slayers are sitting on the better half of the win-loss column. They took out BEAP 9-6 and are now 2-0 on the season.

Next Up, Monday, June 5 @ 6:00: The perinnial powerhouse, and unbeaten (2-0) Chiefs. Someone's going home with their first loss.

For more photos check out the KC Ad League Flikr page. For standings and schedule, check out KCAdLeague.com.

The Season Opener, aka, "Did We Win, Or Did We Lose?"

2006-05-16T08:30:00.000-05:00

So there we are, sitting on the hill post game, enjoying some beers and a laugh, relaxing... when, for the third time after we cleared the dugout, the question, "did we win, or did we lose," was asked. Everyone chuckled. Well, everyone who knew the answer, that is. We'll get to that in a second.

First, our roster. Returning from last year's team: "Hey" Craig Kobler, Paula "Tug's Friend" Cousins, Bruno "The Brazilian" Pieroni, Neil "McShit" Getzlow, Heath "Bunz" Kennedy, Jerome"eo" Krehbiel, Seth "Coacherson" Gunderson and Ben "Where My Bitches At" Coldwell. Newcomers to the team (no nicknames, yet): Amy McIntosh, Cindy Augustine, Hilary Bailey, JP Wright, Kelly Ziegler, Lauren Doyle, Lindsay Bruno, and sometimes Will Griggs. Making her farewell performance last night, Ashley "Slayer Fo' Life" Sloan.

The game started a bit late, as Bill and Rex were still prepping the field for the '06 season. The infield looked immaculate, though a bit on the dry side. The outfield, well, let's just say it was there. Luckily for us (and the infield), it began to rain. But a little precipitation wasn't about to postpone our game.

We (The Slayers) won the coin flip, and Coacherson strategically chose to be the home team. That means we took the field first, while our opponents, Fleishman Hillard, went up to bat. And we took the field by storm. After a minor scare in the first, we escaped with no runs scored on us.

Then our bats went to work -- single, single, double, something, something, something, and before you knew it we had nearly batted around and were up 5-0. But that doesn't mean we didn't have our mishaps. In a coaching/base running debacle, The Brazilian got caught up in a rundown. Poor Bruno was very off-balance and it didn't take long to realize that he was about to eat some serious crap. Sure enough, after being tagged out, the momentum drove Bruno right into the ground. Aside from that, it was a great start. Maybe too great.

The next inning, from what I remember, was another good one. FH may have gotten one or two runs, but not much else. Back on our side of the inning, the bats weren't clicking as well as in the first, but Bunz (remember, that's Heath) decided to relive some moments from last season as he went yard, in the park style. The score was now 7-1.

Apparently, it was FH's turn to have hot bats as they proceeded to rattle off 5 runs of their own. This wasn't a defensive mess-up, but a combination of them hitting to the spots that we weren't in and McShit walking a few people. "Hey, it happens," said Neil after the game, "if you want retribution, here's a coupon for a Big Mac and get off my back." No one likes Big Macs, Neil, no one.

SHS 7, FH 6. It was a close game. We score one. 8-6. They score one, 8-7. That's when the subs came in and took care of some biz and we left that inning up 11-7.

Time was running out for FH and they thought making a game out of it was in the cards. Someone blasted a home run over the fence and suddenly the Slayers were starting to rock back. Two more runs and the score was 11-10. Two outs, one away from victory for the Slayers, runners on first and third for FH. The pitch... the hit... a weak bouncer to Neil who turned and fired it to Ben for the final out. Slayers Win! Slayers Win!

Stars of the game? Was it JP with three singles and three runs scored? Bunz with his in the park home run? How about the only person who slid into a base, Sloan? Maybe it was Neil... ha! There was no one star of the game; this was a true team effort and the beginning to a great season.

For more photos check out the KC Ad League Flikr page. For standings and schedule, check out KCAdLeague.com.

Opening Ceremonies

2006-05-03T08:44:00.000-05:00

In what "is" (read: "probably isn't") considered a nod to the team's domination of 2005, the Slayers have been asked (and accepted) to play in the opening game of the 2006 season.

"Oh boy, the players are stoked! They keep asking me when the next practice is," says Coacherson. "We're just excited the league picked us to provide the fireworks for the season opening."

The game will be played on Monday, May 15th at 6:00. The visiting team will be Fleishman Hillard, who finished last season with a 6-6 record.

"Fleishman Hillard!?! More like, Fleishman Billard, right guys? Like they play pool? ...," said Heath Kennedy at a recent practice. No one understood what he meant.

So Slayer Softball fans, the season starts in 1.5 weeks. Come out and show some support!

Tournament Time: One and Done

2005-08-14T12:38:00.000-05:00

Sadly enough, the inagrual Slayer Softball season is over. No fanfare. No fireworks. Not even a thoroughly fair game was played.

TUG SAID: "Cheaters never win and winners never cheat." Hope they enjoy their no winning nothing, bottom-feeder softball league win. Cheaters.

Meeting VML (Team 2) for the third time in three weeks didn't bode so well this time around. After beating them 32-6 in game one, and muscling out a one-run win in game two (when VML had players from other teams playing), team SHS couldn't find an empty hole in the field, or get their bats rattling enough to overcome a team that is apparently "peaking at the right time."

TUG SAID: If by "peaking" they mean ... Oh, wait, just read the following paragraph.

And by "peaking," they mean "bringing quite a few of their Team 1 players to the game." Seriously. Of the 12 players that took the field against us, five of them had played against us the other two times. Five. That's not peaking, that's stacking. When Coacherson asked several of his old co-workers how many times their team had played us this season, none of them could answer.

TUG SAID: Sons-of-bitches.

Even though VML felt the urge to stack the team (with players from their 9-1 team), that didn't mean that SHS was going to roll over and give up. In fact, quite the opposite. Playing in one of their best defensive games of the season, the game was always within reach for either team to win. A few see-saw plays here and there and the outcome could've been different.

In the end, SHS didn't score the last three innnings of the game and wound up a four-run loser to VML, 10-6.

TUG SAID: It was a tough game we played. I submit that our fielding was the best we've exhibited all season. We simply didn't have the bats.

This time it wasn't Wegerer's fault, he showed up shortly after the game.

TUG SAID: I still blame him.

Third time's the charmiest!

2005-08-05T09:56:00.000-05:00

Beating a team is sometimes a hard thing to do. Beating that same team twice in one week is a harder thing to do. But to beat the same team three times in one week, and, ultimately, twice in one day... now that's something to be excited about.

After molesting VML 32-6 on Monday night, the same two teams (said with a grain of salt, because VML's team was a bit different and much more competitive) met up for their third "match" of the week.* But the SHS team wasn't quite the same, either. Both Neil (business travel) and Heath (strained hammy) sat out of the game, leaving it up to Tug and the rest of his motley crue to inflict as much pain on VML as possible.

"I'll be honest with you, I hate pitching," said an enraged McTighe in the third inning, just after Bill (the lone, century-old, umpire) called Tug a bitch. "I about had "The Gentile One" (Ben Coldwell) punch him out. Bill's lucky we won."

The game was a much closer one than Monday night. Both teams either tied the game or took the lead each time they batted. Several of the SHSers thought it was going to be a cake-walk... "I need to go tanning," exclaimed Kim "Nevada" Cook, after picking up her fourth RBI of the season.

But in the end, nothing could stop SHS. The fact that VML brought in one of their A-team (record is 9-1) ringers and two Osborn-Barr ringers, didn't help. Not even the fact that Ashley "4:50" Sloan somehow had a contact incident. Even the secret weapon of Rex, couldn't unrail SHS.

Chalk up two more in-the-park homers the team (Mandy and Coacherson), a game-winning RBI for Mandy and a solid performance for McTighe... and that equals up to a bottom-of-the-fifth-inning, 12-11 win for SHS.

With that win, SHS finishes the regular season 7-3 and tied for first place of the Tuesday/Thursday division. For tournament-seeding, a coin toss gave us second place and we play the winner of VML/BEAP next Thursday at 7:00.

Up soon, the All-Star game and home run derby!

* Matches one and three were on the softball field. Match two was in the RFP world for UMB.com, also won by SHS. :)

Somebody Call All Our Mommas...

2005-08-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

...'cause someone just got whipped! Drubbed. Spanked. Slammed. Destroyed, more like it.

Yes, the bats were alive for SHS tonight, and a fourth rain-out couldn't save VML (team two) from the onslaught that was Monday night. "It hurt... bad," said Bunz Kennedy, about mega-f'ing his leg up while running home on his THIRD IN THE PARK HOME RUN.

Kennedy wasn't SHS' only offense tonight, though. Everyone took part... everyone. Let's run through some highlights:

Bunz Kennedy - Three in the park home runs

Gentle Ben - Two in the park home runs

Kim "Nevada" Cook - 2 for 4 with 3 RBIs

Coacherson - Hit for the cycle, SHS' second out of parker

Mandy "What???" Shannon - Two triples and a double

McTighe - Two great innings of relief pitching (in preparation for Thursday), one great box joke

Can't... remember... it... all...

The deal is, we won. Big. 32-6, big. Ouch. Don't believe us? Check out the Seedboard up above. Seedboards don't lie.

Rematch Thursday, get ready.

Wegs 3, SHS 0

2005-07-29T23:47:00.000-05:00

In a game that we really don't want to elaborate too much on, a week after we beat the only undefeated team in our league, they got the upper hand on us in the last inning of play.

Long story short, Matt Wegerer showed up half-way through the game. And guess what, we lost. Shocker.

Thanks Matt. Please don't come to a game, again.

Adversity Rears Its Ugly Head, Only To Be Bitten Off

2005-07-22T08:07:00.000-05:00

When they took the field on a sweltering July day in July, the Kansas City softball Slayers found themselves looking down the barrel of a loaded shotgun. Missing two players due to lack of female participation, these Slayballers would have to face the wolves of NK, ravenous and drooling from an early season loss to SHS and looking for payback.

Forced to play a ramshackle version of CYA softball due to the short side, pitcher Neil Getzlow was also forced to cover second, while Tug and Ali Westerholter took the SS and third side of the infield. Brooke Goetz, in her inagural appearance with the squadron, was inserted at first, even after admitting, "I don't think I've caught a ball in 10 years." The black clouds were gathering for SHS. They were gathering quickly.

But on this day, no loss would come. For mere moments into the game, the team turned its first double play of the season when Neil grabbed a short grounder back to the mound, flipped it over to Tug who rifled it to Brooke. Two up, two down. Quite an auspicious beginning for the makeshift Slayers.

Then, NK simply folded under the pressure.

The SHS bats were hot. Everyone hit the pants off of it. Brooke, Ali, Neil, Seth, Tug, Kelly, Craig, Jerome, [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] -- everyone contributed. Special kudos go out to our first two Homers of the season: Ben knocked one off the fence and out of the park, while Paula belted a long fly to left center that allowed her to -- huffingly -- touch all the bags. To add to NK's plight: both dingers came in the same inning.

The long a short of it is this: SHS 13, NK 6.

Neil Getzlow, coming off his worst pitching outing of the season, having walked four, had this to say. "Did I suck? Yes. Did we? No. Now get your cameras out of my face!"

(When told that there were no cameras, and indeed, no reporters asking him questions, Neil just wandered off into the woods.)

SLAYER BITS:
- Fill in players were especially handy -- Kelly and Brooke made the win possible
- Slayers have won 3 straight, 4 if you include the forfeit win, which we do
– SOM™ - Ben Coldwell, for his batting, his dandy play at first, and his height
– Charley Hustle Award™ - Heath Kennedy, for his slide into 2nd and subsequent headfirst dive into third.

There's no "I" in "B-E-A-P"... but there is one in "W-I-N"

2005-07-19T23:51:00.000-05:00

"My momma always said it would be tough... and boy was she right." That was the only thing Gentle Ben had to say after SHS' last-inning win over in-town rival Barkley Evergreen & Partners. Well, he also mentioned something about 'where his bitches at,' but that's not important. What IS important, is that SHS is now riding a two-game (or three, if you count astericks) winning steak thanks to, well, basically EVERYONE on the team.

"There were no individual outstanding players tonight," exclaimed an exhausted Carrie "That's Right Biotch" Cardwell, "we stuck together as a team, got the bad calls as a team and kicked their f#@$ing ass as a team tonight... that's why they lost. Losers."

Carrie was right. The pre-game ritual of batting practice will definitely continue now that SHS has rattled off two outstanding wins... one against BR and the other against the previously undefeated BEAP.

That doesn't mean it wasn't a tough game, however. Tuesday's game definitely pushed the limits of what was achievable for the SHS crew. It was a battle back and forth the entire game, not so much a pitchers duel, in fact, quite the opposite. With literally two minutes to go in the game, good ol' Bill called for one more inning. SHS, nursing a three-run lead, relapsed into the olden days and allowed BEAP to jump ahead by three runs, 16-13. All this after an outstanding 2-out rally in the bottom of the 5th inning.

It wasn't looking good for team SHS going into the bottom half of the 6th, but after the instructions "take a deep breath, you sons-o-bitches," from Coacherson, the team responded with, yet, another 2-out rally to beat BEAP, 17-16.

Amazing. BEAP was stunned, and then promptly left the field (with tails tucked). SHS, on the other hand, stuck around and finished off the more-than-usual amount of beer that Tug and "Three-Bruises-on-one-play" Paula provided. A special guest, Rand "I can talk shit with the best of them" Mikulecky, was there to cheer on the team... or was it to give Neil an extremely hard time? Who knows, who cares, we won!

BR-eaking Off a Win!

2005-06-23T23:16:00.000-05:00

The headline does not lie.

Tonight, SHS avenged the previous, horrible, crudnific loss to BR. Yes, the one that ended up reading 22-7. The one where the team shared 17 errors. The one where we completely beat ourselves.

Tonight, the bats and gloves sang a much different tune. Trailing only 1-0 after the top half of the first inning, the entire team took an at bat in the bottom half. Paula "friend of McTighe," slammed a triple over the left feilder's head, and everyone else followed suit - jumping all over BR, 6-1. There was no sign of slowing from there.

Craig "I'ma-hitta-homer-soon" Kobler overheard their team saying that we should be an easy win since we killed them last time. Apparently BR doesn't believe in karma.

Tonight the bats were on fire, and if Bunz Kennedy could'a jumped another foot, the score would've been much better. But in the end the Slayers prevailed 12-9 (or was it 13-10?). Who cares, we won!

Jerome "NASCAR" Kriebel had this to say after the game. "They thought they had an easy win... ha! Guess again. Where Ben and Neil's bitches at?" Good question, Jerome. Good question.

Next week, games on Tuesday AND Thursday. Time to "RIDE THE SNAKE," (for you Jim Carrey fans).

Two Doesn't Constitute a Streak, Does It?

2005-06-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

Fresh off of three weeks rest, the Slayers took the field last night in a battle against the 0-2 Three Wide Marketing. After the game, Three Wide was no longer winless and SHS found themselves at an astonishing crossroads of questions.

"We should've just taken this week off. Hell, we pretty much did," exclaimed Iron Balls Getzlow, "but I'm still a bad ass. Where my bitches at?"

Neil was right. After starting the game in true copycat fashion (of Heath "Bunz" Kennedy), Coacherson slapped a ball into the outfield and pressured the fielders to throw him out at second. One error later, SHS was on the board with a home run, in-the-park style.

From there the game made a turn for the worst.

It wasn't 17 errors that killed them this time around, it was their bats and some horrendous base-running. You can't leave 10 base-runners stranded and expect to win. Oh yeah, it doesn't help if you only score in the first two innings.

"We just need a little more practice," said Gentle Ben, "either that or next time we show up trashed. Where my bitches at?"

Even though the team welcomed a new player last night, Paula - friend of McTighe, SHS couldn't escape the evening with a victory, falling to 1-2 on the season after Three Wide drubbed them 15-3.

Up next, Bernstein-Rein. Great.

Haven't lost in a while.

2005-06-12T11:47:00.000-05:00

Because we haven't played in a while. our June 2 game was rained out and we had to reschedule last week's game due to our agency open house.

So we're still 1-1.

Check back on Friday when we will be 1-2.

Dead before we even got there.

2005-05-31T15:22:00.000-05:00

The bats were cold, the gloves were stiff and the bloodstains were real. What could have been a Cinderella season turned quickly into one that even the hideous stepsisters would spurn. Game Two? Loss one. And what a loss it was, the final
score -- incredibly -- actually far worse than it looks. 22-7 to Bernstein-Rein.

Every player on the team save eventual Slayer of the Match™ Hilary Salstrom. (Last weeks' SOM™ was pitcher Neil Getzlow) committed at least one fielding error, and many on the squad committed two or more. Heath dropped a couple, Seth tossed one over, through and beyond the fence. And Tug, well let's just say that while his surgically-enhanced knees can run fly balls down, his all too natural hands simply suck ass.

All in all, it was a sad day for the Slayers, as this anemic performance was turned in before their all-time largest crowd. Announced attencance was 17.

Next attempt at a win comes this Thursday, June 2 at 7 p.m. when the Slayers line up against VML 2. (Here's hoping the 2 in their name stands for 2nd rate or 2nd best or simply, not as good as their other team.)

We need all the hope we can get.

Getzlow's Mighty Will and Rag Arm Lead Team to First Victory!

2005-05-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

It started out with a bang.

Literally.

Palladium's own Heath Kennedy led off the 2005 SHS Softball Season with a scorching inside the park home run. Technically, this would have probably been scored a triple with about 857 grabbing, holding and throwing errors, but Heath made it a four-bagger all the same. So, unbelievably, SHS led 1-0 after the very first pitch in their very first game. A shocked and, quite frankly, very, very, very, very, very, very winded Kennedy could barely contain his excitement, "Did you see that?" he gasped. "That one was for Harrisonville!" He then collapsed, face down in a puddle of his own slobber.

Things continued to go the Slayers' way the rest of the inning and they notched another run before the wily veterans of NK, most of whom probably aren't old enough to legally drink, ended the inning by actually catching a ball. The score stood at
2-0 as the Slayers donned their gloves for the first time. Getzlow, looking to protect his shutout, wouldn't have to worry about it for too long. After just three batters, they NKs had tied the game, and before you can say, "Uh-oh," they had taken the lead.

Fortunately, the Slayers' bats came to life in the middle innings as the team rallied from a 4-2 defecit to take a 10-5 lead. Hit after hit was sprayed all over the field, with every Slayer taking his or her cue from their surging teammates. Team Manager Seth Gunderson said that most of the credit for the rally belonged to Tug McTighe, who took advantage of both of his at-bats, notching a single and a double and scoring twice. He also led a defensive effort that put the vice grips on NK's formidible offensive power, dousing their flames with like a wet blanket.

"Boy was I stupid to not start Tug," Gunderson would admit during his post-game press conference. "I mean that guy's clearly our rock. Rock solid. Solid. Like a rock. Rock."

So, with a healthy five run lead and a girl leading off the final inning for NK, Neil Getzlow did what any good pitcher would, walk the lead-off hittter on four straight pitches.

"No question, that's a stupid thing to do. But the Ump was squeezing the strike zone. Those same ptiches were strikes earlier in the game. What can you do?" said Getzlow.

Fortunately, as quickly as Getzlow tried to hand the game to the other team, he was able to compose himself, settle down, and snatch it right back. Clinging to a two run lead, the Slayers were looking at the bases loaded and two outs. NK's top hitter was at the plate and SHE lined a bullet right back up the middle that Getzlow somehow managed to snare in his glove. He then raced home and dove for the plate with his glove, barely beating the fleet-footed runner charging down the third base line. And that was the game, Slayers win 10-8. Hugs all around.

All in all, it was a rousing win for the Slayers who, after just one game, are already batting 1000.

Who's next on the Slay List?
Bernstein-Rein vs. SHS - Thursdsay, May 26 7 pm - Penn Valley Park