Thursday, June 15, 2006

Softball Lords, Have Mercy

Overheard directly after the game vs. AdKnowledge on Wednesday night...

Where My Bitches At: Uh, what just happened?

Coacherson: The game is over.

McShit: What the F do you mean, over... I was about to not walk any more batters!

Where My Bitches At: Yeah, and I was about to hobble around the bases again with another in the park home run. Booyah!

Cindy "Auggy" Augustine: No kidding, I wanted to get another hit.

Elizabeth "Intern '06" Holbrook: It can't be over, I've only slid, err, dove, into first base!!!

Coacherson: Look everyone, I wish it weren't over, either... but Bill called the game.

King Bunz: That guy is too old, he probably doesn't even remember my bad ass catch in the outfield. You know, the one I turned into a double play?

Coacherson: What does that have to do with anything?

King Bunz: Oh, nothing. But that was bad ass, wasn't it!?!

McShit: Anyway, seriously, why was the game called?

PJer: I bet it was because that one hit I had bounced over the fence. Bill probably thought that means we won.

Auggy: Ooooo, I bet you're right.

Coacherson: Uh-what? No.

Beth "Cheerleader" Oppliger: IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS HERE, AGAIN!!!

McShit: Do you really still yell all the time?

King Bunz: Yes, she does, I can hear her all the way over at UMB.

Paula "The Truth" Cousins (new nickname): It wasn't any of those reasons, duh. It's because Rex played for us tonight.

Everyone: What!?!

The Truth: Wait, my bad, he's never played for us.

Coacherson: Okay, I'll give everyone a hint. We scored a lot...

Where My Bitches At: Now we're talking! (high fives King Bunz)

Lindsay "Number 2" Bruno: I don't think he meant it that way. He either meant we scored because my dad was here or because I got three hits.

Jerom"eo": Oh bullshit. It was because I like NASCAR.

Amy "WRAM" (world revolves around me, hey, she said it) McIntosh: Fiddlesticks. It's all fiddlesticks.

Coacherson: What do you mean?

WRAM: I read on the internet that the game was called because we didn't win.

Cheerleader: We didn't?

Everyone: Awww, damn!

Coacherson: Wait up guys, that's not right. Amy, the game JUST ended, it's not on the internet, yet.


Wegs: The game was called because I quit SHS. Hey intern, get me a beer.

Intern '06: Yes sir!

Coacherson: While that's the best theory yet, it's not the reason.

King Bunz: Nuts, we'll never solve this mystery.

Auggy: Coacherson, you seem to know soooo-ooooo-oooo much, why don't YOU tell us why the game is over.

Coacherson: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the Slayers came to play. If you remember, we had 15 runs in the first inning. 15!!! Now, our defense wasn't so good in the bottom half of the inning... we let them score 7 runs. After that, our bats cooled off and the other team finally figured out how to play the field a little better, but they still didn't know how to hit.

The game was officially called after three innings of play, because of a mercy rule. This year, if you're ahead by 15 runs after three innings, you automatically win the game. After three innings, we were ahead 20-7. NOTE: There's an odd discrepancy with last night's game. The official rules say this, "Starting in 2006 the game will be called if one team is winning by 15 runs or more runs after 3 innings. And 10 runs or more after 5 innings." We didn't play 5 innings...

Plain and simple, we kicked their ass.

So no, King Bunz, it wasn't your sweet catch. Where My Bitches At, it wasn't either of our in the park home runs. Number 2, it wasn't your three hits. Intern '06, it wasn't your slide/dive into first.

It wasn't one single thing... it was all of them. I'm so proud of you team. The way we fought through that horrible defensive effort in the first inning and turned it around, not allowing them to score again. That was priceless.

Okay, no game next week... but let's get in here and have a group hug.

.... end conversation

But by then, the rest of the team had left the fields, leaving all of the empty beer cans for Coacherson to pick up.

It was a good game, barring the bottom half of the first inning, that is. And sure enough, the Slayers' bats woke up and pounded out the most runs scored in a KC Ad League game this season. Let's hope that continues into the next game.

Next Game: Wednesday, June 28, 6:00 vs. Bernstein-Rein

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Only in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

The Top Ten Reasons Why The Slayers Are Now 2-1:

10. New Bad Luck Charm?
Beth showed up to her first game of the season to "cheer" the team on.

9. No Good Karma?
Bill didn't call one single bad play against the other team.

8. Not Enough Beer?
"Hey" Craig nearly brought two 30-packs, but chickened out at the last second.

7. We Doubled Their Double Play Output?
Our Double Plays: 2. Theirs: 1.

6. "Where My Bitches At" Wasn't Fast Enough?
Sure Ben can hit the ball, far, but he only made it to third for a triple.

5. Lindsay Wasn't There?
Since when did getting your cable turned on become more important than a Slayer Softball game?

4. "The Brazilian" Wasn't There?
Bruno is a true socialite. Sometimes too social for the team's own good.

3. The Reign of "King Bunz?"
Heath, a.k.a. The Basket-Catching Machine, only had two wild catches this game.

2. "McShit" Wasn't 100%?
You can't hit the pitcher during batting practice and expect him to play his best game!

... And the number one reason that the Slayers are now 2-1:
1. We Weren't Playing Horseshoes OR Hand Grenades

Yes, yes, yes. The Slayers are now 2-1, but barely so. They lost to the Chiefs last night in a very hard-fought game. The final was 5-3 and was really a defensive battle on both sides.

The Chiefs (a perennial power-house) weren't more talented than the Slayers. But they played a lot smarter and hit where the Slayers weren't. The Slayers, on the other hand, while playing great defense, couldn't find enough holes in the Chiefs D.

That didn't mean the Chiefs had an easy opponent. Far from it. There was a little urgency coming from them in the final inning. That urgency was quickly squashed as the Slayers failed to get their rally caps in good position.

If that's the best the league has to offer, then it's safe to say that the Slayers have quickly found themselves in good company in the upper echelon of the league.

Next week's game: Wednesday, June 14, vs. AdKnowledge